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Case Number 15751

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Feast III: The Happy Finish

Dimension Films // 2009 // 80 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // February 20th, 2009

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All Rise...

Judge David Johnson enjoyed a delicious feast of his own last night: Saltines and olives!

The Charge

"I don't have any arms."
"You only need legs to kick ass, baby boy."

Opening Statement

The third entry into the infamous Feast series continues the saga of an eclectic group of survivors and their desperate attempt to escape flesh-eating monsters. Plus, boobs.

Facts of the Case

Feast 3 picks up right where the second film ended. The survivors, including a diminutive Mexican wrestler, a Vietnam veteran, a couple of girls who run around topless, an ill-tempered biker chick, a dude with a pipe through his brain and a used car salesman. Along the way they pick up "Short Bus Gus," who can apparently control the creatures with his hearing aid and a karate wunderkind skilled in martial arts.

With the creatures just a few steps behind them, our heroes will have to navigate a sewer system, a mobile meth lab, a zombie rave and the ever-present threat of a deadly new foe: the hybrid!

The Evidence

Great fun, this. I am embarrassed to say I haven't seen either Feast or Feast 2, but if the third entry in the series is at all reflective of type of good times that can be found in those movies, I need to add them to the queue immediately. Returning for the swan song is original Feast director John Gulager, who made himself into an underground icon thanks to the high jinks captured on Project Greenlight, and writers Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan. What they've unleashed for their finale is 80 minutes of gore spectacle, hilarious comedy, utterly bizarre twists and a paraplegic karate expert.

Seriously, this is the kind of B-movie horror extravaganza that I love, something that doesn't take itself seriously and skimps not one molecule on the over-the-topness. Or over-the-topless. I mean you've got two female characters that spend most of their screen-time minus a shirt for crying out loud, a testament to a) their bravery as actresses and b) the kind of demographic this flick is targeted to (hint: emotional maturity of a tenth-grader).

But sometimes you just need to plug into that inner tenth-grader, settle down with a bag of trans-fat-enriched potato crisps and enjoy an unrepentant explosion of id that Feast 3 is. Everything you can ask for in a splatter action comedy is here, and dialed up to the stratosphere. Nipples are plentiful, gross-out gags are demented, and the gore is nonstop, populated by beheadings, torso rips, limb severs, bludgeoning, eviscerations, stabbings, impalements, death by exploding meth chemicals, point blank shootings and loads of monster maulings, all of which is accompanied by a staggering amount of fake blood and rubber prosthetics.

What I really loved about this movie was the comedy. Gulager, Melton and Dunstan apparently subscribe to the exact same type of weird-ass humor I do. When we meet the characters, Gulager includes a handy little bio including a nickname, a piece of trivia and a life expectancy. New characters get a live-action pose. Take Karate Kid for example. With awesome fire in the background, he kicks and punches and yells "Karate!" Yeah, I guess you have to be there, but trust me, it's funny.

Finally, you've got the payoffs. So many payoffs and they're all awesome. The "Shitkicker" payoff, the Karate Kid/Rambo 3 payoff, the unbelievably grotesque used car salesman payoff and, of course, the big payoff, the ending, which takes some explaining—from both the Spanish musician who runs through the storylines of all three films while the credits roll and the attached commentary from Gulager, Melton, Dunstan and producer Michael Leahy—but satisfies in the same offbeat, genre-defying manner as the entire film.

Dimension coughs up a great-looking (1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen) and great-sounding (5.1 Dolby Digital) technical presentation, which only suffers during a few of the more headache-inducing sequences Gulager cooked up (that whole rave sequence was a brain-stabber). The commentary is the highlight of the extras, though the retrospective with John Gulager will be welcomed by the guy's fans.

Closing Statement

If you're itching for a shotgun blast of B-movie splatter, Feast 3 comes highly recommended.

The Verdict

Not guilty. (I think you've got some on you.)

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Scales of Justice

Video: 90
Audio: 90
Extras: 80
Acting: 85
Story: 90
Judgment: 88

Perp Profile

Studio: Dimension Films
Video Formats:
• 1.85:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
• English
• Spanish
Running Time: 80 Minutes
Release Year: 2009
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
• Action
• Comedy
• Cult
• Horror

Distinguishing Marks

• Commentary
• Featurette


• IMDb

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