All Rise...

Judge David Johnson was forced to watch this crap.

The Charge

Win…or die fighting.

The Case

Frankly, I'm not in the mood to put a lot of effort into a review of a mediocre fighting movie. So I'll just have a conversation with my dog.

ME: Hi Lorenzo.

LORENZO: Hi Dave.

ME: What did I tell you about using my first name?

LORENZO: Sorry. Hi there "Lord and Master of All He Surveys."

ME: Better. What did you think of that movie we watched last night?

LORENZO: Forced to Fight?

ME: Yeah.

LORENZO: I barely remember it. I think I was hopped up on heartworm medication. You guys need to stop buying that discounted brand from Thailand. I think they lace it with drain cleaner.

ME: Answer the question!

LORENZO: Okay, okay. It seemed pretty bland to me, and you know how much I enjoy a good action movie.

ME: Same here. Could that plot have been more banal?

LORENZO: You're gonna have to refresh my memory.

ME: Gary Daniels is the star. He's a kick-boxing champion, apparently. Plays a retired underground fighter named Shane, now living as a family man. Ring any bells?

LORENZO: Nope.

ME: His dopey brother runs up a huge debt to Peter Weller and gets himself maimed. So Peter Weller tells Shane he has to get back into the ring to pay off the debt.

LORENZO: Right. Against his wife's wishes.

ME: Of course.

LORENZO: Then what happens?

ME: Nothing, except an unending parade of boring fights.

LORENZO: Unending fighting doesn't sound bad to me.

ME: Think again. While there's plenty of mayhem, the movie is put together with all the flair of an orthodontist convention. Rote tedious pugilism at its rotest and tediousest.

LORENZO: Those aren't words.

ME: Watch your tone or no more table scraps.

LORENZO: So was there any redeeming value? I mean, Peter Weller was Robocop!

ME: He frowns a lot.

LORENZO: So it's not a total loss.

ME: No, I suppose not.

LORENZO: At least it looked okay on Blu-ray, right?

ME: The video quality was sharp, but something was up with the audio mix. The sound didn't quite match up with the action. There was a weird split-second delay. Enough to be distracting.

LORENZO: Any extras?

ME: An interview with Peter Weller and a short making-of featurette. Wait…why do you care?

LORENZO: You're talking to your dog, remember?

ME: Oh crap! Did I leave the stove on again?!

The Verdict

Guilty. Woof!

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