The Evidence

You've just borne witness to a historic event: I got right to the point above. I used no extra words to ramble on and drag out those sections. Now, I'll get to the rambling.

Friends is a comfort show. All is well with the world and things go smoothly on. Oh, there are some bumps along the way, but those always lend themselves to delightful, positive situations. If only real life were as great and wonderful as presented here during the third year of this highly rated show, the world would be wonderful, pure, and probably boring. Now, don't get me wrong: even if I lend a critical eye to the general outline of the show, I'm not completely lambasting it. On the contrary, it's a charming show. It's akin to a little warm fuzzy: you watch it and just feel all safe and cozy. It's a happy show, and it fulfills its definition as being a comedy. In every episode I watched, I was amused and laughed. It serves its duty nicely. As it is a comedy, I was decidedly less impressed with the episodes that took a slightly more serious approach to some of its stories.

But it doesn't take a lot of chances, at least not during this year. The stories are all witty, pleasant, and yet simple. In watching them all relatively close together, there's a general feeling of uniformity that appears. Few risks are taken with the characters, and life proceeds and goes on in a very "vanilla" way—simple and without flash. While the episodes themselves cram in three to four stories each, each tale doesn't necessarily evolve our characters, for the most part. Of course, this year, there are tons of complications with relationships, but I get the feeling that's a general theme for the show.

What I truly enjoyed over the course of the year was the continuity. Excellently done, each episode somehow ties into the previous one, or one a few back. Things are not forgotten and often are not tied up in one 23-minute package. Ideas take some time to fully flesh out, and that is seen in Friends, where an idea sometimes lasts almost an entire season. That's something I really liked and appreciated.

Presented here are all 25 episodes from the third year of the series. They are:

"The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy"
I said share, not scare.
In the end, Rachel dons the delicious Princess Leia outfit from Return of the Jedi, but it isn't as glorious an experience for Ross as one might expect. Grade: B

"The One Where No One's Ready"
It's starts at 8. We can't be late. He could not, would not, want to wait.
Ross needs to get everyone together to go to an important charity function, yet they all prefer to get neurotic instead. Grade: A

"The One With the Jam"
I don't need a man, just a couple of his best swimmers.
Monica makes jam, and Phoebe befriends her stalker. Grade: B-

"The One With the Metaphorical Tunnel"
Are you being British?
Chandler and Janice's relationship takes a turn, while little Ben plays with dolls. Grade: B

"The One With Frank Jr."
You know she's a cartoon and way out of your league.
Phoebe's brother visits, and he thinks she works in a full-service massage parlor. The boys detail their freebie lists, leading Ross to almost make a fateful mistake. Grade: B

"The One With the Flashback"
Ouch! Stupid balls in the way!
We go back to the '80s to see how everyone bumped into each other and became such great friends. Big hair rocks! Grade: B

"The One With the Race Car Bed"
If you go, I'll love you like I love you in that black thing you like.
While Joey teaches a class on soap opera acting, Ross and Rachel have a less than comfortable dinner with Mr. Green. Monica buys a new bed from the mattress king, but the wrong one is delivered. Grade: B-

"The One With the Giant Poking Device"
If it's not a headboard, it's not worth it.
While babysitting, Rachel and Monica accidentally bruise little Ben's head. Janice and Chandler's relationship gets rocky, and Ugly Naked Guy might be dead. Grade: B+

"The One With the Football"
Cheater. Cheater. Compulsive Eater.
Thanksgiving Day arrives and the gang plays a very competitive game of touch football. Grade: A

"The One Where Rachel Quits"
Does this mean we'll have to start paying for coffee?
Realizing that she's a horrible waitress, Rachel takes Chandler's advice and quits her job at Central Perk. Ross helps a Brownbird sell some cookies after accidentally causing the little girl to break her leg. Grade: B

"The One Where Chandler Can't Remember Which Sister"
Stick out your tongue.
Take off your shirt.
At Joey's birthday party, Chandler gets drunk and gets a little frisky with one of Joey's sisters; unfortunately, he doesn't remember which one. Rachel might have found her dream job at Bloomingdale's. Grade: A

"The One With All the Jealousy"
It's a musical version of "A Tale of Two Cities." So, I think I'm gonna sing "New York, New York" and "I Left My Heart in San Francisco."
Laced with such delicious and subtle jealousy, Rachel begins her first day at Bloomingdale's; of course, Ross can't stand her co-worker, Mark. Joey gets a Broadway audition, except he seems to have exaggerated his dance skills. Grade: B

"The One Where Monica and Richard are Friends"
The man is showing brain.
Monica and Rachel bump into each other while at a video store and decide they can be friends. Joey and Rachel swap books, and Phoebe's new boyfriend likes to go commando. Grade: A

"The One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner"
Jingle Bitch screwed me over. Go to hell, Jingle Whore.
It's a tale of relationships as Phoebe meets her ex-singing partner, Joey bumps into an ex-girlfriend, and Ross is decidedly jealous of Rachel's coworker. Grade: B-

"The One Where Ross and Rachel Take a Break"
Bodies at peace make peace.
With Rachel spending so much time at work, Ross gets profoundly jealous. Rachel cannot stand his insecurities, which leads them to "take a break," but not necessarily break up. Grade: B-

"The One With the Morning After"
If you're gonna tell her, at least wait for the timing to be right. That's what a deathbed's for.
Later that same night, Ross finds himself in the company of an attractive young woman and makes a supremely foolish decision to sleep with her. Rachel finds out and refuses to forgive him. Grade: B

"The One Without the Ski Trip"
So, my rule is: no tissue, no tushy.
As Chandler begins smoking from the stress of Ross and Rachel's break up, the friends have to balance time between the two ex-lovers. Rachel plans a ski trip, but they end up stuck at a rest stop, out of gas. Grade: B

"The One With the Hypnosis Tape"
I don't mind the age difference until it starts sticking its tongue down my brother's throat.
Phoebe lends Chandler a hypnosis tape to help him stop smoking, yet no one realizes it's designed with a female in mind. Monica begins dating Pete, a millionaire, whom she met while working at the diner. Phoebe's little brother announces he's getting married, to his Home Ec teacher. Grade: B

"The One With the Tiny T-Shirt"
It says here in the script that you're a bitch.
It doesn't say that in the script.
It says so in mine.
Relationships continue to go in many directions: Monica and Pete continue to date, but Monica doesn't find him attractive; Mark asks Rachel out; and Ross returns Rachel's stuff from his place. Joey lands a part in a play and is attracted to his bitchy co-star. Grade: B

"The One With the Dollhouse"
Come, Mr. Dinosaur. We're not welcome in the house of no imagination.
Monica inherits a beautiful dollhouse from her Aunt Sylvia. Phoebe is invited to play with it, but her style doesn't bode well with Monica. Grade: B

"The One With a Chick and a Duck"
This has been a dream since my first EZ Bake Oven, and I opened EZ Monica's Bakery.
Pete, the millionaire, in an attempt to spend more time with Monica, buys a restaurant and asks her to be head chef. Joey buys a chick after misinterpreting a news story, and Chandler gets a duck after trying to take the chick back. Grade: A

"The One With the Screamer"
Cause with her face and her chest, I really could put something together.
Could I borrow that?
It's opening night of Joey's play, and everyone is invited. As Ross asked for two tickets, Rachel scrounges up a last minute date, who turns out to have a violent temper. Grade: B

"The One With Ross' Thing"
That's not a third nipple. First off, it's on your ass.
A mysterious skin-like abnormality is growing on Ross' derriere, yet not even a gaggle of doctors can figure out what it is. Phoebe is dating two guys and can't decide whom to dump. Grade: B+

"The One With the Ultimate Fighting Champion"
Now what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?
Monica believes that Pete is going to ask her to marry him, but that isn't so. It turns out he wants to become the ultimate fighting champion, except he's very bad. Chandler's boss has an affection for slapping butts. Grade: B+

"The One At the Beach"
I know that hat. I was taken aboard that hat!
The friends go to the beach as Phoebe searches for information about her father. Grade: B

As seen in my scoring, there are very few episodes that seem to stand out in this year's group. Overall, they're good but not great. But, the funny thing is, now that I've seen a whole year's worth of episodes, I've been talking to my coworkers about this show, and it's amazing how much I know about the characters and the things that have happened. You start talking about the chick and the duck, and the conversation winds its way through ultimate fighting, to how many hot women Ross has had, to Joey's play, to Vegas weddings, and so on. The episodes, when looked at individually, are just simple stories. Yet, after so many years, these characters have been fleshed out, and their escapades stick with you longer than you'd think. It's a quaint show, but still enjoyable. It's quite possible that I'm going to play some late catch up with the show. Fortunately, it's never too late to start that, thanks to syndication.

Though the packaging states there are "irresistible special features," I would have to disagree with that assertion. There's very little of note in the bonus materials, and you'll probably never look at them more than once. The "big" bonus items are a couple of commentary tracks that can be found on "The One Where No One's Ready," "The One With the Football," and "The One With the Morning After." The key players are basically the same for each talk, but a few people do change. Overall, the tracks are exceptionally disappointing. I like to have tracks where the people talk about what went into making the show, how things come together, and what obstacles they may have had to overcome. These three tracks are easy to forget, and I've already done so. All I do recall, and I literally just watched them yesterday, is that it was more fun ignoring the commentary and reading the subtitles as I re-watched the episode. The next feature, which can be found on each of the four discs for some odd reason, is a "Cast & Crew" list. Yes, a list. That's all it is: a list. Not a huge list; just a list of about a dozen names. Wow, a list! The best special feature is the "Tour of Chandler and Joey's Bachelor Pad." Here you get a static picture of their apartment upon which, using your arrow keys, you can highlight some items within. Clicking on the item brings up a brief text description, and then you get the option to watch a one-minute video about said item. It goes into some minor background details on the object, but it's all too short. With such a grand history, longer videos would have been great. Actually, an entire segment with a thorough documentary on the sets, people, and/or locations would have been great. Moving on, there's "Friends of Friends," which highlights the dozen major guest stars from the year with a brief clip of their appearances. Then there's "What's Up With Your Friends," which is a brief video montage of each character's arc from the year. And, lastly, there is a quiz about Ross and Rachel's breakup, aptly titled "Ross and Rachel: On a Break?"

And last but certainly not least, it is time to discuss the transfers. As this is a TV show, don't expect too much because you're not going to get it. Presented in its original full screen ratio, the video has quite a few problems. Overall the image is soft with colors that aren't as full as you'd like, blacks are not as crisp as needed, and there's a bit too much grain throughout. In addition, almost every time a shot of New York City is shown, there's a tremendous amount of shimmering in the shot. It's not the worst stuff you'll see, but it certainly is one of the weakest transfers I've seen for television. On the audio side, the show has been remixed here to 5.0 Dolby Digital. All in all, I don't care for it too much. The sound just comes across wrong; it's missing an element in the harmonics that nags at the back of your mind. It sounds a touch hollow, lacking solid bass, though the music cues are better than the dialogue.

I would be remiss if I failed to mention the lovely Jennifer Aniston. Oh my lord is she hot! I could watch her all day and be perfectly entertained. The outfits they put her in throughout this year were stellar, showing ample leg and wonderfully accenting her bosom. Heaven on Earth!

Case Number 03010

Friends: The Complete Third Season

All Rise...

Editor's Note

The Charge

Opening Statement

Facts of the Case

The Evidence

The Rebuttal Witnesses

Closing Statement

The Verdict

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