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Case Number 09063: Small Claims Court

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Greatest Adventures Of The Bible: Noah's Ark

Warner Bros. // 1986 // 26 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // April 14th, 2006

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All Rise...

Judge David Johnson wishes Noah could have left the black flies behind.

The Charge

Surf's up!

The Case

Here's the lowdown on these Hanna-Barbera, Warner Brothers reissues: three young people, Derek and Margo, who are archaeologists, and Moki, some desert nomad kid, find themselves sucked into a magical sand vortex one day and plopped into an ancient chamber. From there, they are transported back in time, to the days of the Bible, where they witness the major Biblical stories, and even help out here and there. This installment follows the trio's adventures with Noah and his ark-building escapade.

So, do you need me to explain this story or what? We got this dude Noah, and he's living in the early, early times, when the globe has been overrun with Godless a-holes. Perturbed at the wanton debauchery of these degenerates, the Big Man decides to reboot the system. He tells Noah, seemingly the only sane guy left, to gather his family together and construct an ark in preparation for a mega-flood.

Noah and his crew begin construction, and that's when our friends Derek, Margo, and Moki enter the scene. They find Noah pounding away at the nails and offer to help. Noah is quick to agree, taking little notice of their strange attire and Margo's pronounced bosom, and together they complete the ark. A gaggle of outsiders scoff and berate them while they work, telling Noah he's nuts and generally carrying on in their depraved mannerisms.

But oh do they clam up when the thunderclouds gather. By then, Noah, his family, Derek, Margo, and Moki, and a @#$%-load of animals are safe in the ark and ready for liftoff. The floodwaters rise, the sinners take the plunge, and the ark starts to leak. Add to that, there's a deer on board with a hurt leg or something. Fast forward forty days and everyone on board fears that the waters will never recede—and with the food stores dwindling, is it possible cannibalism is just around the corner? Just as Noah is about to start offing the animals one at a time, the dove flies back with an olive branch in its beak. Dry land!

Noah lands his boat, the deer, now bandaged and better than ever prances away merrily, God makes a covenant with Noah never to do that flood thing again, and Derek, Margo and Moki have learned some excellent nautical skills.

While this is a decent animated telling of the famous story, and the presence of the three outsiders gives it a little more of a spin, I just find it hard to recommend this disc considering the brevity of content. Twenty-six minutes of Noah action and that's all (save for some trailers). I suppose if you really wanted to bolster your animated Bible story collection and this disc was cheap enough, then a purchase could be warranted, but that's about the only scenario.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 75

Perp Profile

Studio: Warner Bros.
Video Formats:
• Full Frame
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)
Subtitles:
• English
• French
• Spanish
Running Time: 26 Minutes
Release Year: 1986
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Genres:
• All Ages
• Animation

Distinguishing Marks

• Trailers

Accomplices

• IMDb








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