All Rise...

Judge David Johnson hearts Godzilla 4-eva.

The Charge

Wait a minute, that guy doesn't look like Matthew Broderick. And that thing definitely doesn't look like Godzilla!

The Case

Sony has unearthed some episodes from its now six years-defunct animated series detailing the adventures of Godzilla and his band of Generation X-ers. Godzilla is patterned off of the American redesign of the fairly lame 1998 Godzilla movie—the sleeker, grayer, velociraptor-y look that pissed off Toho loyalists. However, the animated version here does breathe radioactive fire breath, so that's cool.

Here's the set-up: Godzilla is now a good guy, and works with the HEAT Team, a squad of scientists who have the ability to summon Godzilla to battle the multitude of monsters and creatures that menace the world. Past episodes have had the G-unit take on the Loch Ness Monster and gigantic Mexican fire-breathing bird. What is in store for Godzilla on this disc? My guess—mutants! Who may or may not be maadddddd!!!

• "S.C.A.L.E. (Fist of Godzilla)"
The first episode brings Godzilla onto Monster Island, a secret location where the U.S. government has stockpiled all the freakish mutant monsters that have popped up in the world. But an extremist group called the Fist of Godzilla has taken over the facility and is bent on releasing the mutants, claiming these ghoulish beings have as much claim to roam free as any other creature. The HEAT Team arrives to quell the emergency.

• "The Twister"
A mysterious tornado menaces New York City, and the HEAT Team suspects there's ore to it than a bizarre weather condition. The twister seems to have a mind of its own. HEAT Team big shot Nick is sent in to investigate, and he learns that there's a mutant rat at the center of the storm. Godzilla is brought in to open up a can of mutant whoop-ass.

• "Where is Thy Sting?"
When some innocents are attacked by a large, ill-tempered scorpion in the desert, the HEAT Team's expertise is requested. Turns out, a loopy Army general has been experimenting with mutations to produce an unstoppable bio-weapon. The result: said scorpion, now bigger and angrier and able to shoot acid out of its tail. Bonus points to the writers for including the word "thy" in the title for a Godzilla cartoon.

A solid helping of well-drawn monsters beating each other silly is this cartoon's greatest strength. Kids who consider themselves fans of the big green (or gray in this case) wrecking machine should enjoy themselves, even if they're not entirely sure why Godzilla's taking orders from some punk kids. I didn't. The stories are typical of goofy animated fare, but all serve only one purpose: to string together a narrative that culminates in Godzilla throwing down with some punk-ass monster.

One thing I have to mention: the opening credits show Godizlla running around New York City tearing things up, and close with a shot of him standing over the burning rubble of the World Trade Center. Eerie.

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