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Case Number 23307: Small Claims Court

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Heaven's Lost Property: Complete Series (Blu-ray)

Funimation // 2009 // 350 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge Roman Martel (Retired) // February 12th, 2012

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All Rise...

Judge Roman Martel rummaged through Heaven's lost and found box—lots of discarded angels in there.

The Charge

"If I hadn't put my face in her crotch, then her panties wouldn't have exploded." Yes, that is a line of dialogue from this masterpiece of animated fiction.

The Case

Looking at the cover of Heaven's Lost Property you can pretty much tell what you're getting. You've got a sad eyed anime girl with a huge chest and a metal collar and chain. But heck, I'll give you a quick synopsis anyway. Tomoki Sakurai (Greg Ayres, Guin Saga) is a bit of a pervert, but other than that, he just wants to live a life of peace and quiet. His neighbor Sohara Mitsuki (Trina Nishimura, Birdy the Mighty) is a busty babe who secretly has the hots for him and likes giving him karate chops to the noggin when he's perving out.

One night, a girl literally falls from the sky and Tomoki is barely able to save her from falling rubble. She's dressed in next to nothing, has huge angel wings and a long chain attached to a metal collar. Her name is Ikaros (Brittney Karbowski, Summer Wars) and she claims to be a pet class angeloid. I know, I know, just roll with me here. Ikaros has the power to grant any wish Tomoki may have. Most of Tomoki's wishes revolve around seeing panties and naked boobs, so you can pretty much figure out the rest of the show from there. A few other characters are thrown into the mix, most importantly Nymph (Kara Edwards, The Sacred Blacksmith), a little pale skinned angeloid with tiny wings and a big attitude. She's been sent back to collect Ikaros and knows a deadly secret: that Ikaros may not be the "pet class" device she says she is.

Look, I'm fine with a solid dose of naughtiness in anime; it's one of the genre's charming quirks. I figured I was going to get a whole mess of panty shots, bouncing cleavage, and nosebleeds. And yes the show delivered on all counts. But the real problem here is the complete lack of compelling narrative and characters. I know this isn't supposed to be the least bit serious, but there are plot holes in this show that defy all basic rules of storytelling. The main reason I was focusing on the plot holes was because I was bored.

We've seen these characters before, many, many times. Tomoki is your basic loser pervert who gets all his wishes granted. But unlike other losers in the magical girl genre, he just isn't very likable. He's not clever, or funny, he's got a bit of a mean streak in him—unless the script needs him to be a nice guy so one of the girls can get all squishy around him. Ikaros is your typical robot girl, no emotion, no clue, but plenty of fan service. Nymph starts out as a raving bitch, but actually gets a character arc and ends up being almost likable by the end. The most appealing character is Sohara, but she's your basic Akane from Ranma 1/2 clone, so it's not too surprising. I will give the English voice cast a shout out. They were doing their best, bringing a lot of life and fun to the cardboard roles. Most of the times I did end up chuckling was because of the line delivery. Well done, ladies and gents.

Each episode is basically a set up to tell lame jokes and provide maximum fan service. Yeah there are some laughs to be found. The exploding panty incident was slightly amusing. The image of a flock of women's underwear flying in V formation around the world was a perverted image I'd never considered. But all the basic stories are the same old stuff. You've got the episode where the clueless angels go to school. You've got the episode where the clueless angels go to a water park. You've got the episode where the clueless angels participate in the school fair. See a pattern here? Then there's the whole troubling idea of having chained women around to do your every bidding. Its never delved into, but it leaves a distasteful aftertaste in each episode.

Funimation provides a good release for a less than worthy show. You get 13 episodes and a bonus episode spread over two discs. The 1.78:1/1080p high definition image was nice and clear, allowing the viewer to catch every detail of the women's underwear unveiled in each episode. The TrueHD 5.1 sound is well balanced, with the music never overpowering the English dub. The subtitles are well timed and easy to read. All the extras are loaded onto one disc. These consist solely of clean opening and ending credits. But Heaven's Lost Property features a unique set of end credits for each episode.

Maybe if you've never seen a uber-ecchi magical girl anime before, you'll find something to enjoy. But I found it so mediocre it was a chore to watch.

The Verdict

Guilty of being boobtacular but banal.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 70

Perp Profile

Studio: Funimation
Video Formats:
• 1.78:1 Non-Anamorphic (1080p)
Audio Formats:
• TrueHD 5.1 Surround (English)
• TrueHD 2.0 Stereo (Japanese)
Subtitles:
• English
Running Time: 350 Minutes
Release Year: 2009
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Genres:
• Action
• Anime
• Blu-ray
• Comedy
• Fantasy
• Foreign
• Science Fiction
• Television

Distinguishing Marks

• Clean Open/Close
• DVD Copy

Accomplices

• IMDb








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