Let the record reflect, on some fifteenth of May,
That a pachyderm
discovered his purpose that day.
He was minding his business, happy and
When he heard a faint noise from a speck that was wee.
Others said, "Fool! There's nothing possibly there!"
looked after the speck with great care.
He coddled it and kept it, secure
on soft clover.
For it was a tiny community of Whos Horton nobly
He didn't quite know how he'd adopted these folks—or
But he had to convince others of the Whos presence, or at least
In the jungle, the citizens treated Horton with derision.
in particular, felt she should make a decision.
She'd make an example of
this elephant freethinker.
She'd put a stop to his rantings, save minds
with which he'd tinker.
Especially the youngsters who'd surely believe
him—hook, line, and sinker.
On the speck, a Mayor fretted, knowing Who-ville was in danger.
The other Whos, however, didn't like this mood-changer.
The Whos lived in
happiness every day of their life.
They didn't take kindly to this boob
Both on speck and off, then, two troubled beings brooded.
and a Mayor, both of whom concluded,
That unless others accepted an
existence in there,
It could cause social aloofness or, at least,
All people are important, Horton championed the call.
person's a person, no matter how small.
So the two carried on, their burdens quite weighty,
unenlightened audience looked on, most born after 1980.
The once powerful
analogy of humanity—a mere speck,
Was now buried under a heap of
modern references and dreck.
As is typical with these dreaded big-studio adaptations,
Hears a Who! is the latest of these "progressive" aberrations.
animation is splendid, the rendering top notch,
But it's the content of
the affair that makes it a botch.
Older people, you'll find, know of Horton as a hero.
folks never heard of him once—that's right, zero.
But Horton, the
elephant, was twice put to use,
By a writer of children's books, the
beloved "Dr. Seuss."
Words were his paints, the page was his easel.
his specialty (though his real last name was Geisel).
admirable, to hear his stories I'd beg,
like this one, and that other time
when he'd hatched a bird's egg.
A role model of sorts, with a trunk and
And these particular stories have been favorites for years.
Seuss wrote rhythmic lessons using anapestic tetrameter like a
A complicated term that makes reading sound better, just so you
For fifty-three years he wrote books to delight us,
Forty-seven as Seuss, with his goal to unite us.
An artist and writer and man of conviction,
Seuss was reluctant to
license his work beyond his own fiction.
Even so, he agreed to some
A cartoonist himself who enjoyed fantastical
But this film is so full of hip and trendy new flair,
And the wannabe
Geisel's show they really don't care.
References to pop culture and
Have burdened the noble elephant to an irrelevant
Gone is the story of a brave and caring soul,
And in place of
its original heart, just a hole.
The voices are given by Jim Carrey and Steve Carell,
And they both
perform their inflective tasks reasonably well.
Out of place seems Seth
Rogen, his work usually adult-themed,
But, as a voice actor, he enjoys
himself, or so it seemed.
"But how does it look?" the courtroom implores,
And, finally, here's
where this disc earns high scores.
The image is stunning, the codec
The resolution is lifelike, take it from me.
Black levels are solid, the contrast well done,
The color's well
rendered, this is eye-candy fun.
But what will you hear when listen to Horton?
It's a great DTS
track all discs should be sportin'.
The HD Master Audio mix is most
From ambient sounds to a low-end that's aggressive.
Dialog and music is balanced and level,
Sonically, it's the stuff in which
Blu-ray fans revel.
Extra goodies abound, on the swelling single disc,
With a filmmaker's
commentary that's informative and brisk.
Eight featurettes are next, some
compelling, some droll,
Plus many more elements that, by the clock, take a
And don't forget the BD-exclusive here too,
picture-in-picture feature to watch alongside a real Who.
By the end of the disc, this courtroom must say,
Horton Hears a
Who is, well, just OK.
It's technically astute but narratively
And a verdict of "rent it" is this judge's best backing.
Court is adjourned without proclamation of guilt,
But, clearly, this
isn't of the world that Seuss built.