All Rise...

Judge David Johnson is infected—with the love bug!

The Charge

The invasion is coming…from within.

Opening Statement

If you're an alien and you want take over the planet, what would you do? If you answered "set up a dummy corporation that sells bottled water," then you're on the same wavelength as the geniuses behind this movie.

Facts of the Case

Not kidding about that bottled water thing. That's their plan…and Isabella Rossellini is one of their leaders. The first city targeted for takeover is Boston, where the invaders have released their deadly toxins-disguised-as-designer-water onto the masses. As a result, the populace is enduring a mysterious plague and it falls to an enterprising reporter to peel back the mystery behind this bio-menace.

He and his female counterpart investigate, the aliens pursue, and the visual effects inspire derisive laughter—all in a day's work for the latest entry into the low budget sci-fi bloodstream.

The Evidence

Not much to say about Infected, aside from the fact it takes itself way too seriously for a movie about aliens slinging retail space water. I will give the writers points for creativity in crafting their doomsday scenario. And the composer really worked hard for his paycheck. Plus it's nice to see Boston get some alien love.

But man, I'm really struggling now. Must…fill…bandwidth. Hmm, maybe bullet points? That should do it.

• The plot
Well, there are these aliens. And they need to procreate by impregnating human beings with their alien seed and the best method of delivery is through bottled beverages. It's straight-up B-movie grist, unfortunately, not executed with the tongue-in-cheek flavor that would fit it. That leads to laughs at the film's expense. So sad.

• The characters
The bad guys are over-the-top and the actors portraying them indulge in scenery-chewing that would make a leopard shark envious. The good guys bring their serious faces.

• The creatures
Only one creature really. The fully-revealed alien is unveiled in a big climax that ends with a really lame final death scene (SPOILER: the alien gets a forearm in the face, falls down, dies, and melts.) It's clunky-looking.

• The visual effects
Partly because of the shifty CGI.

That's it. I'm done. I am out of things to say. Go watch this DVD, if you like mildly entertaining sci-fi movies. Very mild.

The DVD is sparse: a solid 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer, 5.1 surround, and no extras.

Closing Statement

So close to the homestretch in this review…just need to crank out this last bit of text. And, I'm done!

The Verdict

What's spacetalk for "guilty?"

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