All Rise...

Judge David Johnson thinks this show about talking airplanes with human child facial features is slightly creepy, but crammed sideways with all sorts o' learning!

The Charge

De Plane!

The Case

It seems that I discover a weirder kids show each day. The latest surreal bit of half-pinters entertainment is JayJay the Jet Plane, a computer-animated show about a group of young planes that fly around and learn about shapes and stuff. Sounds harmless enough—and it is—but the crazy part of this series is the faces on the planes (the motherf***ing faces on the motherf***ing planes). Just the idea of regular kids' faces on planes seems like a monstrous genetic experiment gone awry.

Somewhere in the Atlantic, in the depths of an underwater volcano, the evil scientist DR. MALICIOSO is about to unveil the result of his latest sinister project.

UNDERLING: Sir, the creation is ready.

DR. MALICIOSO: Excellent. After so many years and most of my evil family's evil fortune, I have finally achieved my goal! Underling, remove the covering!

UNDERLING: Actually, the name's Ned.

DR. MALICIOSO: Silence, fool!

The UNDERLING removes the veil, which reveals an airplane with a child's face soldered onto the front.

UNDERLING: Dear Lord!!!

DR. MALICIOSO: Yeah, it is pretty awful. What the hell was I thinking? I should have invested my resources in the flux capacitor.

Back in Tarryotwn (JayJay's stomping grounds), JayJay and his pals Lina and Snuffy embark on six, 12-minute adventures packed with learning and rudimentary CGI. Aiding them is the only human, Brenda Blue, who toils away in the hangar, forced to service the jets. Sounds a lot like the plot to Maximum Overdrive to me.

• "The Mystery of the Five Senses"
JayJay learns about his five senses. That's about it.

• "The Mystery of Bugs"
Lina's encounter with a bee ends up as an object lesson in bugs and making honey.

• "The Mystery of Size and Shape"
Circles, squares, the concepts of big and small, it's all covered in this trip through the world of shapes.

• "Snuffy Discovers the Ocean"
A fish arrives in the hangar, and Snuffy is prompted to learn about the wonders of the deep blue sea.

• "And That's the Tooth"
When Snuffy realizes he has a loose tooth and that the Tooth Fairy will give him a present, he can hardly contain his excitement.

• "Are We There, Yet?"
The plane-people take a long flight to an island and pass the time playing travel games.

There you go. Really lightweight kiddie fare, geared towards the quite diminutive. The characters are pretty freaky-looking and annoying at times, but harmless and easygoing. The real purpose of this show isn't to install more cultural icons but just to get some learning concepts across in a fairly entertaining manner. To that, the show works. DVD-ROM accessible games, bios, parent tips and trailers are it for extras.

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