The Case
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the DVD Verdict Lounge is proud to present
the comedy stylings of…Judge Victor Valdivia and Paco!
Judge Victor Valdivia enters holding a wooden dummy who looks like a
little Peruvian Indian, complete with knitted hat with earflaps, a knitted
sweater with llamas, and brown pants.
Victor: Hey, how you folks doing? (applause) Say hello to the people,
Paco!
Paco: Hello, people. Isn't the Verdict Lounge great? Well, anything
sure looks great after you've been locked up in a small trunk all night!
(laughter)
Victor: Aw, c'mon Paco, we were here last night! Remember? I
had dinner with that beautiful lady.
Paco: I don't think "eating
alone while texting your mother" counts as a date, Victor. (laughter)
You're such a loser—an Amish nun gets more action than you! (laughter)
Victor: That…doesn't even make sense, Paco. Nuns aren't Amish.
Paco: Are you kidding? Nuns will run screaming into the Church of Satan if it
means they don't have to get hit on by a loser like you! (laughter)
Victor: OK, Paco, enough about me. Why don't we talk about the DVD we saw last
night?
Paco: OK, but watching a DVD with your little wooden friend pretty
much screams "loser"! (laughter)
Victor: Paco!
Paco: It's
called The Jeff Dunham Show and it compiles all seven episodes of the
series ventriloquist Jeff Dunham had on Comedy Central in 2009.
Victor:
From what I understand, this is the entire series, because it was cancelled due
to low ratings.
Paco: And if anyone should know about low ratings, it's
you, Victor, considering the ratings women regularly give your face!
(laughter)
Victor (sighs): OK, Paco, back to the DVD…
Paco:
Each episode follows the same basic structure: Jeff Dunham appears and brings
out his puppets for some banter, then there are some Borat-esque sketches where he and his puppets
interact with normal people and D-list celebrities.
Victor: It's sort of
like Chappelle's Show-
Paco: Except without the ratings. Or the
jokes. Or the watchability. (laughter)
Victor: Now, see, that's a little
harsh, Paco. Dunham seems like an affable fellow, he does have talent as a
ventriloquist, and his self-deprecating cameo on 30 Rock showed that he
has a sense of humor about his lowbrow image.
Paco: Just because he has a
sense of humor doesn't mean he's actually funny. Here's an example of the type
of joke you'll see on The Jeff Dunham Show:
A: It has Komodo dragon milk! I personally milked the Komodo dragon
myself!
B: Komodo dragons don't give milk!
A: They don't? No wonder
the Komodo dragon keeps following me around!
I liked that joke the first time I heard it—back in the Carter
administration! (laughter)
Victor: OK, so the actual humor isn't going to
break any new ground, or even much old ground, for that matter. At least
Dunham's many fans will be happy to see his puppets, right?
Paco: They
won't be any happier than women are when you ask them if you can show them
your puppet! (laughter) That's because there's something peculiar about
the comedy in this show: not only is it mediocre and stale, but it has
absolutely nothing to do with the puppets themselves. There's a sketch in which
Achmed goes to Camp Pendleton and tries to become a Marine—
Victor:
You mean Achmed the Blown-Up Terrorist, the skeleton puppet who wears a turban
and screams "I Keeelll You!" in a Middle Eastern accent?
Paco:
Yeah, there's some real subtle and incisive comedy there, right? Anyways,
consider all of the possible humor that could be wrung from Achmed being a
terrorist and trying to join the U.S. military—some subversive, some
tasteless, some jingoist, some outrageous. So what's the entire sketch about?
How Achmed can't do one pushup. Seriously, that's it? What does that have to do
with Achmed being a terrorist? What does that have to do with anything?
Victor: So you're saying that the sketches are so badly written that you could
replace the featured puppet in any of them and they would still be exactly the
same?
Paco: No, you're saying that. I'm saying they suck rocks!
(laughter) This is the kind of show in which the obligatory celebrity cameo is
provided by, of all people, Brooke Hogan (Brooke Hogan?). Even worse, the sketch
she's in, in which Peanut, the purple whatchamacallit with green hair, falls in
love with her, is so tenth-rate that she actually looks embarrassed to be in it.
I haven't seen anything that sad and pathetic since you tried to pick up that
forty-seven-year-old cocktail waitress in Des Moines and got shot down!
(laughter)
Victor: Well, it's too bad the show is so terrible, Paco.
Judging by the reception Dunham got at Camp Pendleton, he has a large and
devoted fan base who will certainly want to get this DVD, but it's possible even
his most devout fans probably won't like it all that much.
Paco: And how
bad does something have to be when even Jeff Dunham fans think it sucks?
(laughter)
Victor: Now, Paco, be nice. Tell us about the DVD itself.
Paco: It's pretty standard TV fare. Anamorphic 1.78:1 transfer, Dolby stereo
mix, both acceptable, with no flaws to speak of—which makes them the
complete opposite of the show itself! (laughter)
Victor: Ouch. What about
extras?
Paco: The DVD comes with some behind-the-scenes footage, mostly
one or two minutes showing how a few sketches and some promos were filmed. Also
included are some bloopers (1:35) and an unaired sketch (6:59) that's truly
awful. Seriously, can you imagine something that wasn't funny enough to be
included on The Jeff Dunham Show?
Victor: I don't think anyone
would really want to contemplate that.
Paco: Any more than anyone would
really want to contemplate you actually making out with a woman! (laughter)
Victor: All right, Paco, that's enough. I think it's time to go. Any final
thoughts?
Paco: Yes. For God's sake, people, don't buy this DVD. Run far,
far away. Avoid it like the plague. Pretend you're a woman and Victor's hitting
on you. That's how fast and far you have to run! (laughter)
Victor: Good
advice. I mean—aw, forget it. Good night, everybody!
Paco: Good
night! Drive safely! (applause)
