All Rise...

Judge David Johnson is a master of Phlegmjitzu.

The Charge

Blech.

The Case

Lord Garmadon is invading the world of Ninjago with his diabolical army of Lego skeletons and demons. The only obstacle standing in his way is a quartet of ninjitsu-skilled adolescents named Kai, Jay, Zane, and Cole. Garmadon's brother is Sensei Wu and he knows the depth of danger the evil Lord promises. So he takes it upon himself to train these four heroes in the way of Spinjitzu and maybe—just maybe—make some damn money!

Because that's what this breezy, derivative cartoon feels like: an extended toy commercial. A cursory glimpse in the Amazon toy department reveals a robust selection of Ninjago toys for your child to demand…and, if it comes to it, hold his breath and kick the Collie.

As such it's difficult to even come at LEGO Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu with a serious critical eye, since it's very existence is a transparently half-assed marketing pitch. But, whatever, we've got some bandwidth to burn.

In four words…This cartoon is terrible.

The "plot" follows an underachiever who realizes his potential and indulges in a series of training montages and eventually learns some lessons and throttles some bad guys. It's standard-issue marshmallow fluff, a pile of ideas recycled ad nauseum and given a LEGO makeover.

Here's the worst part: even for a lame cartoon, this LEGO Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu is a lousy bargain. We only get two episodes, which accounts for the television series' first season. That's 44 minutes. Total. Good luck taking a shower and getting ready for work on that time. The end credits will be rolling while your tyke urinates on the throw pillows.

Nothing doing for the DVD: 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen, 2.0 stereo, no extras.

The Verdict

Guilty. You may now commit LEGO-seppuku.

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