Judge David Johnson thinks the irony of reviewing a courtroom drama on a site with a legal angle is simply delicious!
Our reviews of Matlock: The Eighth Season (published March 23rd, 2013), Matlock: The Final Season (published July 25th, 2013), Matlock: The First Season (published April 23rd, 2008), and Matlock: The Seventh Season (published February 29th, 2012) are also available.
Attention, please. Justice is served.
[Editor's Note: Dear readers, welcome once again to a visit deep inside the disturbed mind of Judge David Johnson. These trips are not recommended for readers who are pregnant, faint of heart, prone to motion sickness, under the age of 13, over the age of 65, or fans of Andy Griffith. This "review" may have, in fact, been written in an altered state. If so, DVD Verdict disavows any knowledge of or responsibility for the medications David may currently be taking. Thank you and enjoy the show!]
"Hello Matlock. How are you?"
"Hey there Roberto!"
"What are you doing this far out of Atlanta?"
[ Matlock laughs ]
"Oh, you know, once in a while I like to get out of the court room. Stretch my legs a bit. Play the banjo. Maybe sniff some glue."
"Oh my, Ben Matlock, you certainly are a cur sometimes aren't you?"
[ Roberto takes a bite out of his beef taco ]
"Hey, being one of the best defense lawyers in the South is high pressure. We can't all have cushy jobs like you Roberto."
[ Roberto catches his breath ]
"You think defusing sea mines is a cushy job?!
"So what else is new? What's with the parrot on your shoulder?"
"I don't have a parrot on my shoulder."
[ Matlock yawns ]
"What do you think of my suit?"
"Awesome, as always! Where do you find all those light pastels?"
"I have a special connection with a sweat shop in Micronesia."
"Is that a real country?"
"Yeah, I think so…At least, I hope so. They've been clearing my checks."
[ Roberto shrugs, causing the parrot to fly off his shoulder ]
"Micronesia sounds like a disease a Micro Machine gets."
"I don't know what a Micro Machine is…nor do I ever want to."
"Ben, I really like those suits. They match your folksy demeanor."
"That's what people tell me."
"I wish I had a folksy demeanor. People tell me I'm obstinate and hot-headed."
"Oh, Roberto that's not true."
"No, it is true. After all, I have killed like twenty people. Pedestrians mostly."
"Yeah, maybe you could use a suit. I'll put you in touch with my tailor."
[ Roberto smiles ]
"Gee, thanks Ben! That's terrific of you! I hope he's not too pricey. Cash is sort of an issue these days for me."
"That's okay. He accepts payment in the form of salted nuts."
"By the way, congratulations on the release of your new DVD set! Which season is this?"
"Season Three. A good one, for sure. I'm a total stud in the court room."
[ Matlock puffs up his chest ]
"Is that when you flew to New York City for that murder trial and got mugged?"
"Yes sir! And Chicago too!"
"Those are big cities for a country boy like yourself."
[ Matlock snickers ]
"Oh, it was busy for sure, but I learned to adapt. I'm like nature perfected."
"That's also the time when you had to defend that psychic who attempted to commit suicide?"
"And that obnoxious deejay?"
"What a jerk!"
"And who can forget that hostage situation?!"
"Not me, that's for darned sure."
[ Roberto whistles and sips his Orange Julius ]
"Sounds like you had a lot of excitement."
[ Matlock nods ]
"Twenty episodes worth of crime-fighting and banjo-picking, all transferred in their native full aspect ratio and 2.0 stereo."
"Any bonus features?"
"I don't understand the question."
[ Roberto strokes his chin ]
"I should pick up a copy for my grandfather."
"Only if he likes crime fighting and banjo-picking."
"Oh, he does. He lives for crime fighting and banjo-picking."
"Super. I'll get you a copy. And you know what? I'll autograph it! In blood!"
"Hell yeah! First I learn I don't have shingles, and now Ben Matlock is going to autograph Matlock: The Third Season in his own blood for my grandfather! This is the best day ever!"
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