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Case Number 13602: Small Claims Court

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Military Intelligence And You

Echo Bridge Home Entertainment // 2006 // 78 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge Dennis Prince (Retired) // May 9th, 2008

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All Rise...

Judge Dennis Prince practices tolerance with those whose political views differ from his own, but he takes his 2nd Amendment rights seriously—got it?

The Charge

"That's what they get for attacking America."

Yes, we're taking the fight to the enemy. Why? Because it's not enough to beat them; we want to do it in front of their girlfriends and mothers—really embarrass them.

The Case

Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America and all the left-wing loons out for blood. Here comes a hastily declassified WWII military training film, recently seized in a midnight plundering of the U.S. DOD by those folks who just can't seem to move on (even though they'll vainly try to convince you they have). Here's a film that may finally unlock the long-standing mystery of what makes the military-minded so insensitive to the human condition and so dense to the logic that would argue that other countries would never act aggressively toward America if only we would completely disarm and eagerly encourage all peoples from all countries and rogue nations to visit this great nation—and vote, too, while they're here. Yes, this film dares to expose the dumbness that is national security and the dummies that toil night and day to monitor purported aggressors. Look, if we just leave them alone, they'll probably use their bombs for peaceful purposes; we shouldn't get involved.

But America is involved and has been a global might for decades now. In Military Intelligence and You, we finally gain an insightful look into the thought processes of the slobbering warmongers, they who felt the need to interfere with German aggressions during the 1940s. If only these "hawks" had left the sharply dressed SS commanders and their minions alone, the world would surely be a better place today. Leave people alone—that's the message—and they'll leave us alone.

You get the idea.

Military Intelligence and You is a farce, obviously—a spoof that takes unwavering aim at the U.S. military with a message to send about today's war situation, thinly masked as a revisiting of the events of World War II. As far as spoof goes, it's really quite good, the film presented in black and white and delivered as an Army training film intended to prepare new recruits for the adventures that await them, not to mention the numerous body bags that will be sent along, too, for no declarative reason. Young soldiers have to tear themselves away from the soda shop and kiss their best girl goodbye as they march off to defend the mighty America, their hearts full of pride and their skivvies full of nervous bowel. Constructed similar to Steve Martin's 1982 film noir riff, Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid, this film marries vintage material with newly produced footage that features Patrick Muldoon (Starship Troopers) as the unflappable Major Nick Reed, a military analyst who's able to deftly determine the subtle difference between dangerous enemies and merely annoying foreigners. He's personally committed to the declared "War on Evil" and intent upon destroying the radical "Axis of Generalities." He has a fix on the German menace that threatens to ambush and obliterate the U.S. flyboys, but he can't seem to convince the others of Central Command that the secret base of the Nazi Ghost Squadron is merely disguised as a densely populated civilian section of Germany. But Reed remains undaunted, even while working alongside the voluptuous and former bedmate, Lt. Monica Tasty (Elizabeth Bennett, Point Pleasant), and vows to uncover the vile German threat even if he hasn't any reliable intelligence to prove his suspicions. They're German and they're different from us—isn't that enough?

Yes, writer/director Dale Kutzera has an axe to grind with the presiding Bush Administration and his film uses biting parody to drive his point home. Unfortunately, as skillfully crafted and genuinely funny as the film is, it suffers under the own weight of its one-sided loathing of a Bush named George. Although it has been open season for all haters of the current U.S. President, Kutzera fails to temper his own disdain enough to better his film. Instead, the otherwise clever endeavor is hampered by hammering in of the already obvious parallels to the current wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. The audience must wait by while Kutzera vents every affront brewing inside him before allowing the film to progress. It's a fun film, really, no matter your personal politics or views of U.S. involvement in the Mid-East, and it's quite harmless to all who view it since it is such a silly 78-minute jaunt. If Kutzera's intention was to get under the skin of the pro-war crowd, he only got as far as to potentially tickle a few funny bones. As political statements go, this one is innocuous. Too bad Kutzera didn't focus on his obvious talent for sharp writing and creative direction; he truly has a skill to share.

Technically, this DVD is generally impressive. Although the widescreen transfer is not anamorphically enhanced, the image quality is generally excellent and the manner in which new footage is properly distressed to integrate with old footage delivers a largely seamless result. The black and white presentation is crisp with good contrast and gradient gray scales. The audio is offered in a surprisingly expansive Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround mix that adds to the overall enjoyment of the screening. As for bonus features, there's only one but it's keen: an actual documentary film that tells about the important wartime efforts by the U.S Air Force's First Motion Picture Unit, serving out of Culver City, CA.

Sure, Military Intelligence and You obviously strives to agitate those in the military and those who support their efforts. It seeks to jab at current Administration policy and politics in order to assert its own "progressive" agenda. There's nothing inherently offensive in this since, after all, America is the land where its people are free to express their sentiments under protection of a revered First Amendment. Whether or not you agree with its position, you needn't buy into the film's rhetoric in order to appreciate its comedic potential. And, as an example of yet another piece of inter-American anti-American unrest, Military Intelligence and You scores its best laugh as it reveals itself as being propagandist in the same manner of the original military films it sets out to skewer. That said, perhaps self-inflicted wounds of embarrassment and hypocrisy remain as the greatest freedoms we all share in this great land.

Well, no one said this fight was going to be easy—except for the President, the Vice-President, the Secretary of Defense, the Head of the FBI….

Good one.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 75

Perp Profile

Studio: Echo Bridge Home Entertainment
Video Formats:
• 1.85:1 Non-Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
• Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)
• None
Running Time: 78 Minutes
Release Year: 2006
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
• Comedy

Distinguishing Marks

• Vintage Documentary: The First Motion Picture Unit Army Air Forces


• IMDb

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