The Charge

The race is on…win or get eaten!

The Case

Is there another choice? Like "forget I ever saw this movie?" Alas, no. And so here I am, having to fill up the Interwebs with yet another review of a half-assed homegrown zombie movie that poops on my soul's head.

Motocross Zombies from Hell tells the timeless tale of three jerks that run around the desert and fight dirt bike zombies. Hotshot motocross racer Cody (Jason McClain) is a loose cannon with a temper, but he loves to ride his dirt bike in the sand and that makes him a perfect candidate for stopping a zombie apocalypse from overrunning the Earth.

There's a major race happening and Cody takes his girlfriend and repair boy with him to compete. Unfortunately, the mysterious Team Skullz, led by an enigmatic trash-talker that may or not be Satan, stand in his way, and promptly begin acting like dicks.

Even after Cody bails from contention, the Skullz linger and harass him and his friends. Irritated, Cody shoulders a shotgun and hunts down the Skullz, only to discover the secret behind their asshatness: they're demonic zombies and they want to kill and eat people. So Cody and his pals head to an abandoned house, which, incidentally, holds special significance and that's where they make their stand as the zombies assault and I can't believe I chewed through four paragraphs with the plot synopsis but that's OK because the review portion can be summed up in three words: this movie sucks. Wait, four words. This movie sucks balls.

Sorry kids, even with the low expectations and a dwarf-sized bar of excellence that is usually set for homemade horror films, Motocross Zombies fails in all respects to make itself into a viewing experience that is the least bit enjoyable. As far as I can tell, this movie exists solely because there were a group of friends who liked a) zombie movies and b) riding their dirt bikes. And we are not better for it.

The acting is garden variety amateur hour, the storyline is the simplest of undead yarns (zombies are trying to break into our house! Shoot them in the face!), the writing is a sophomoric boat wreck, and the gore and horror violence—typically the saving grace of most of these kinds of straight-to-DVD excursions—is either shot so poorly it's difficult to see what's going on or, in the case where the video quality and photography is adequate to delineate what's happening, lame.

And, worst of all, if you're drawn to this because of the "motocross" twist on the genre and hope to see at least a handful of neat-o dirt bike sequences, you'll be disappointed at the minimal two-wheeled action. Man, put a dude on a bike, give him a shotgun and send him into a sweet game of chicken with a motocross zombie at least! It's not that hard.

That's all there is to say about this disappointment. What could have been a semi-interesting take on a flogged genre turns into yet another lamentable waste of everyone's time, a homegrown zombie abortion that should be politely ignored.

The full frame video works best during the outdoor daytime scenes, but as soon as the sun sets, it's Grain City. A stereo track provides the sound with little fanfare. For extras, suck up some more dangerous exhaust fumes by subjecting yourself to behind-the-scenes footage, cast interviews, bloopers, a photo gallery and the film's soundtrack. There are some desktop wallpapers available as well, but unless you're the director's uncle, I don't see the point of letting the public know you willingly spent time with this disc.

Similar Decisions

• Willard (2003)
• Amityville Collection
• C.H.U.D.
• Cannibal Campout

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