It's days like this one that make Judge Clark Douglas remember that reviewing DVDs can be just as horrible as any other job.
"Like, I really wanted this to be, uh, the be-est motherf—-ing movie e-vah-er!"—Pauly Shore
A new sketch comedy special (that for some reason the packaging is calling a movie)? From washed-up comedian and public nuisance Pauly Shore? Featuring special guest appearances from D-list stars? Oh yeah, that's gonna be really good.
First up is a segment called "Cockblockers," which features our lovable hero Pauly Shore just trying to get a little loving for himself. He does this by telling women that he is famous, and tries to get them to have sex with him. They do not have sex with him—really, who wants to have sex with Pauly Shore? Anyway, Pauly tries to blame this on one of his buddies. Is this supposed to be funny? Okay, let's try again. Pauly offers a spoof of Cheaters and plays a trailer trash fast food employee. He finds out that his wife is cheating with a Little Person, and starts swearing a lot. Not funny.
Perhaps a little bit of stand-up comedy will work. So, Pauly goes to a Miami nightclub and does a routine featuring a bunch of drug jokes. The audience acts as if they were paid to laugh. Shore moves to a sketch where he plays Fox News Channel reporter "Greda Van Sustren" as well as tennis star John McEnroe. Hey Pauly, just using the phrase "Fox News" in your sketch doesn't make it smart political satire…especially when the rest of the sketch features you trying to hump people. More humping attempts take place when Pauly tries to get girls to appear in his video "Chubby Chicks Gone Wild."
So far, nothing is working. In fact, most of it is quite offensive. Watching this is a bit like taking a course in Misogyny 101. Hey, wouldn't it be funny if Pauly played "Ashton Kutcher's totally retarded brother, Jimmy Kutcher"? Oh yeah, I can't wait. "Jimmy" hosts a show called S'punked, and plays some dumb pranks on Charlie Murphy (Chappelle's Show). More standup clips, more Fox News/John McEnroe stupidity, when is this thing going to end? Oh, snap…we're only 25 minutes in. Ah, a quick check informs me that we're at the halfway point. That makes me feel better. Pauly does a terrible job playing Tony Montana in a Scarface spoof, and gets Steven Bauer ("Al Pacino's best friend in that movie") to participate. You can tell a lot about a man by the cameos he is able to snag, and Pauly apparently used up every last favor he had in getting a bunch of big names to participate in Pauly Shore Is Dead. Here, he's got Charlie Murphy, Kirk Fox, T. Pain, Ruben Studdard, Steven Bauer…pretty sad.
Oh, hey! Have you ever wanted to see Pauly Shore lick a woman's butt and make noises like a pig? I know I have. Those of you with similar fantasies are going to be very happy with this DVD. Appropriately, this is followed by some stand-up comedy material in which Pauly continues to reveal just how much he hates women. I can only wonder what sort of woman would want to be Pauly's girlfriend. We find out next, as Pauly reveals that his girlfriend is a model named Jewel. She must really hate herself, as she agrees to appear nude for several minutes on this DVD. She dances naked for Pauly's friends, as part of a prank. Continuing on the topic of Pauly's misogyny, next up is a sketch in which he tries to put his penis on a bunch of women who are trapped in a house. At some point, the comedy stops becoming merely irritating and starts becoming cruel and ugly. This sketch ends with Pauly gloating over a woman dying from a drug overdose.
That's an appropriate ending to this horrible 48-minute thing, which dies a wretched death due to a massive overdose of Pauly Shore. Mr. Shore's career as a successful mainstream comedian has mercifully been over for quite some time now, but he is one of those individuals who belligerently refuses to admit that he is finished. On this DVD, he comes across as an angry, bitter, hateful child who is incapable of coping with the fact that some people don't accept him as the star that he thinks he is. This is revealed even further in the making-of featurette, which also reveals just how seriously Pauly Shore is taking everything. Shore directed the film, and he proves to be as bad a director as he is a comedian. The camera shots are almost always focused on the wrong thing, the scenes are poorly staged, and technical work in every department is sloppy.
Picture quality is crummy; the whole movie looks like it could have been shot on a cell phone. Much of the sound may very well have been have been captured the same way, the quality here is just slightly below that of the average reality television show. DVD extras are lousy and bewildering. They include the 20-minute making of featurette, and a half hour of unfunny bloopers and deleted scenes. Plenty of Girls Gone Wild-style nudity is here, if you're into that.
I've seen a lot of crummy DVDs in my time, but I'm hard-pressed to think of
anything less redeeming and more despicable than this one. Combine a total lack
of humor and wit with astonishingly poor production values, add in the generous
amount of hateful bile and misogynist behavior displayed by the very irritating
star, and you have a product that can be very accurately labeled
"worthless." Pauly Shore's Natural Born Komics Sketch Comedy Movie:
Miami is guilty, and is sentenced to death.
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Scales of Justice
Studio: Big Vision Entertainment
• "The Diarrhea of Pauly Shore"
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