Judge David Johnson has a new follies video. Watch and laugh as he trips on the stairs or throws up after eating bad fish!
"It's a funny game!" (No it isn't.)
If you were to purchase this disc thinking it was a collection of the all-time greatest follies in NFL history (as I did), then I reckon you will be in for a world of crushing disappointment. This fourth volume of the series actually focuses on recent follies, going back two years tops. Needless to say, when you're confined to such a tight timeframe, truly eye-popping follies are tough to come by.
So what is a hapless NFL films producer to do when there simply isn't enough to work with? The answer is simple: take clips of guys fumbling and tripping on grass and slap on some zany music and sound effects. Problem solved.
That's what awaits you for forty minutes in this aggressively stupid release. You get very few actual follies that even come close to funny, some unscripted candid dialog from coaches and players, spotlight segments on uninteresting fans, and a loads of footage which is less follies and more clumsy football.
1. A snapper hikes the ball to the punter and it flies over his head!!! BOINK!!!
2. A punt returner tries to catch the ball and it hits him on the helmet!!! GLOOP!!!
3. A receiver is heading for a touchdown in a wide open backfield and he slips and falls!!! KABLOOIE!!!
4. A quarterback is getting sacked so he shovel passes the ball to a lineman and it bounces off the lineman into the hands of a defender!!! DONGLE!!!
5. There's a loose ball and it keeps bouncing all over and no one can grab it!!! JINKIES!!!
6. Some guy is wearing a T-shirt that says he has a man-crush on Tom Brady!!! SHOOPIE-DOOPIE!!!
7. A running back collides with his own blocker and they both fall down!!! BLING!!!
8. A kicker tries to recover a fumble in the end zone and he misses it!!! YOSHI!!!
9. Some guy has a long, complicated name and a member of the opposing teams sits on the bench making jokes about it!!! PLINKO!!!
10. A coach is talking to one of his player during practice and tells him he has short arms!!! BOUTROSBOUTROSGHALI!!!
Sounds high-larious to you? Then scoop this bad boy up! If it seems like a half-assed collection of sloppy plays set to cornball music, then congrats, you're a functional human being.
The good news is you'll only have to suffer through 40 minutes of this stupidity. If you want to prolong the pain, watch the series of bonus featurettes, which offers more mic captures from players and coaches, a pointless discussion on the quarterback rating system, something about kickers, and other assorted tomfoolery I've already forgot about.
Personal foul to my brain.
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