All Rise...

Judge David Johnson wants a Nick Jr. Battle Royale DVD: Sportacus, Little Bill, Max, Ruby, Pablo, and Dora all thrown in a pit and given a chainsaw and a scimitar. Last one standing wins.

The Charge

Robbie Rotten wants to eat your soul.

The Case

It sure seems like there's a new one of these Nick compilations released every 19 seconds, doesn't it? This time, the release is aimed at the little ones, as Nickelodeon's toddler division gets some live for Nick Jr. Favorites 4. Episodes from six of the junior network's heavy-hitters are included on this disc, and yes, Diabolical Dora the Explorer is here, too. Oy. Don't get me started on f***ing Dora.

• Dora the Explorer
"Rapido, Tico"
Nobody's favorite pipsqueak wanderer is here to lure your children into screaming out answers to questions like "Do you see Swiper?" Where is he?" and "Which road should I take to the Valley of Irritation?" and "Do you hate me with the fire of a thousand suns?" This go-around, Dora and Boots team up with Tico, who takes them to Snowy Mountain. Yay.

• The Backyardigans
"Pirate Treasure"
These wacky little creatures go it where it counts on the other hand. The Backyardigans are a squad of CGI animals (plus Uniqua, the creature of unknown descent) who play in the backyard, have imaginary adventures and sing and dance like there's no tomorrow. Today, they're hunting for buried treasure and doing it reggae style. Great, as always.

• Blue's Clues
"100th Episode"
A diversion from the typical clue-fetch-quest, this show brings back former host Steve, who, along with Joe, put on a faux award ceremony, reminiscing about the past 100 episodes of Blue's adventures.

• LazyTown
"Prince Stingy"
Look, this show is nightmarish and surreal, but it grows on you. At first I was wowed by its weirdness, but it gradually won me over. The dude who plays Robbie Rotten still haunts my dreams, but everything else is good, kinetic, pastel fun. Here, Robbie dresses up as a night to fool Stingy into thinking he's a prince, and tricking him into expelling Sportacus from LazyTown. Crazy, sure, but it's entertaining and crammed with positive messages about healthy eating habits.

• Little Bill
"Racing Time / All Tied Up"
The back ends of these discs are reserved for the simpler offerings. Little Bill (created by Bill Cosby) is a cute show with electron-sized plots: watch as Bill streamlines his wake-up routine by pretending it's a race, followed by the heart-warming episode where he learns to tie his shoes.

• Max & Ruby
"Max Cleans Up / Max's Cuckoo Clock / Ruby's Jewelry Box"
If Little Bill's plots are too complex for you, try Max & Ruby, a show about two rabbit siblings. Ruby is the older and teaches Max about things like, well, cleaning up, the joys of cuckoo clocks, and the meaning of privacy (respectively).

I have nothing much else to say. It's another decent cross-section of Nick Jr. programming, and should deliver the goods for your waddlers. My favorites are The Backyardigans and LazyTown, and Max & Ruby and Little Bill are cute, but boring. Dora? She can go straight to hell.

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