Judge David Johnson once dated a ninja cheerleader, but they had nothing in common.
Fight to cheer another day.
Or don't, because this move hates you.
Facts of the Case
Monica, April and Courtney (Trishelle Cantanella, The Scorned) are the aforementioned Ninja Cheerleaders. They're best friends who cheer and strip and learn ninjitsu from strip club owner and karate master Hiroshi (George Takei) and punch bad guys in the face and assert the feminist independence by crushing men's testicles with their fists.
A tough, local crime-lord (Michael Pare) has declared war on the Ninja Cheerleaders by kidnapping Hiroshi and stealing the girls' stripping money, forcing our three heroines to embark on a cross-town ass-kicking spree.
That synopsis might sound halfway entertaining, but ignore my skillful synopsis writing: Ninja Cheerleaders is simply stunning in its ability to aggressively annoy me. There is literally nothing remotely entertaining here. The comedy is not funny, the action is stilted and lame, and if you're hoping for some cheap-o sleaze, you'll find more titillation from a mistyped Google search.
How insipid is this movie? Let us count the ways!
That's all I want to say about this waste of time. Everything you need to know about whether this is worth your attention can be summed up in this statement: Michael Pare gives the most entertaining performance of the film.
Video: a clean 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen. Audio: 5.1 surround. Extras: trailers and a making-of documentary where everyone seems pretty pleased with themselves for subjecting me to this tripe.
Someone obviously thought that Ninja Cheerleaders would move enough units just because of its oh-so-quirky title and didn't bother making a coherent movie.
Guilty. Sentence: Death by pom-pom seppuku.
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Scales of Justice
Studio: Peace Arch Entertainment
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