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Case Number 27342: Small Claims Court

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Poseidon Rex

Anderson Digital // 2013 // 98 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // May 16th, 2014

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All Rise...

Judge David Johnson found an Iguanadon in his leach field.

The Charge

Half dinosaur. Half sea monster. All trouble!

The Case

When some treasure hunters set off explosives in one of the deepest holes in the ocean, a prehistoric nightmare is awoken. It's the Poseidon Rex and it's half-dinosaur and half monster. Also: it's all trouble.

Immediately, the creature starts wreaking havoc and devouring boats and wayward mariners. Greatly concerning everyone within chomping distance. Led by Jackson Slate (Brian Krause), one of the original treasure hunters who awoke the beast in the first place, a plucky team of underachievers band together to do what no one else can: obliterate Poseidon Rex.

I'm not sure what you're expecting—or what you'd possibly expect—from Poseidon Rex but allow me to allay/reinforce your thinking: the movie is balls. But of course it is. At this point, these monster mashes are churned out with enough regularity and enough similarity that nothing at all should be a surprise.

And, true to form, nothing is a surprise here. The beast awakens, terrorizes some idiots and our heroes (some of whom spend most of the film in bikinis) concoct a way to bring the bastard down. All of it unfolds just as the playbook dictates and, like most other movies in the genre (save for your willfully corny Sharknado, etc.), there isn't a witty bone in its body. This is deadly serious stuff and don't you forget about it.

Look, the acting is stiff and the story is shallow but who cares. What about Poseidon Rex?! What is the verdict on this handsome beast? Well, the creature design isn't the worst I've seen. It's essentially a T-Rex that swims, so it's difficult to get that wrong. The CGI is sub-standard, obviously, but not embarrassing, which is a plus when you're dealing with these releases. Maybe they actually got the Jurassic Park CGI software to run on their Windows ME computer?

The DVD: 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen, 5.1 Dolby Digital and a behind the scenes featurette.

The Verdict

Guilty of devouring 90 minutes of my life and pooping them out in a small mountain for Jeff Goldblum to gawk at.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 50

Perp Profile

Studio: Anderson Digital
Video Formats:
• 1.78:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
• English (CC)
Running Time: 98 Minutes
Release Year: 2013
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
• Action
• Bad
• Science Fiction

Distinguishing Marks

• Featurette


• IMDb

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