Judge David Johnson is a repli-hater.
Here is the back-of-the-case synopsis, verbatim…
A military experiment gone awry! Brutes turned into hot nympho babes with insatiable sexual appetitie (sic)! Nothing can stop them from reaching their orgasmic peak turning them into vicious alligators!
I don't know if this was an English translation of the Slavic translation of the original text, but it serves as an appropriate metaphor for Repligator, in that it is incoherent gibberish.
Repligator is a brutal low-budget attempt at grimy mid-'90s sex comedy, minus the sex and comedy. The plot, as best as I can make out, is that a military experiment turns schlumpy GI's into trashy-looking women who wander around without bras and, from time-to-time, flash the surgical scars of their breast implants. Following various erotic encounters (all of which—thankfully—happen off screen) these "ladies" become alligators.
That's it. It's like one extended non sequitur. If Repligator was straight softcore hooey, I could dismiss its nonsensical plot as a barely-there skeletal framework upon which to drape an assortment of robotic quasi-pornography. This movie is a lot of things, all of which are worse than plague discharge, but it's most definitely not anything approaching erotica. Some exposed nipples and dirty looks represent the sum total of the sexiness, leaving the lion's share of its entertainment budget to comic hijinks.
Yeah, fat chance. Repligator is astonishingly boring, an interminable trek that makes its 84 minutes runtime feel like a Matlock marathon. This is a movie dominated by banal dialogue—as if someone tuning into a movie titled Repligator craves character development—between actors that have about as much charisma as a honey-baked ham, broken up by sporadic nudity and shoddy laser blast CG effects.
And even if you were to find any of this remotely titillating, how do you reconcile this weird dynamic of heterosexual male soldiers turning into heterosexual females that seduce other heterosexual male soldiers? Or perhaps I'm missing the point of Repligator entirely, and director Bret McCormick has given us a subversive commentary on the phenomenon of gender confusion. Yeah, let's say that, because the alternative (a genuine attempt at making a sexy comedy) is far too frightening to contemplate.
The DVD: standard def 1.33:1 full frame, Dolby 2.0 Stereo, no subtitles, and no bonus features.
For a more rewarding evening of entertainment, I would suggest, well, anything, really, short of engaging in an argument about the sequestration on Facebook. Actually, no, that does sound like it would be fun either.
Guilty, as will be the inevitable sequel, Repligator vs.
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Scales of Justice
Studio: MVD Visual
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