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Case Number 09519: Small Claims Court

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The Ron White Show

Sony // 2005 // 22 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge Adam Arseneau (Retired) // June 21st, 2006

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All Rise...

If Judge Adam Arseneau had a lit cigar and a glass of booze right now, he would put them into his ears and eyes.

The Charge

This DVD has a running time of 22 minutes. That should tell you everything you need to know about the fate of The Ron White Show.

The Case

An offshoot of Blue Collar TV on the WB and Comedy Central, The Ron White Show was Blue Collar Comedy Tour comedian Ron White's ill-fated foray into independent entertainment. Despite being part of the original four comedians—along with Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, and Larry the Cable Guy—White declined to participate in the group's television series, fearing being typecast as "blue collar."

Instead, White decided to initiate the revival of—get ready for it—the Vegas-style variety television show. Each episode would star himself, centered around his endlessly hilarious diatribes and humor mixed with cartoons, sketches, and celebrity cameos. How could it possibly fail?

Ever see that scene in Thunderball where Largo sends Quist into the shark tank? For some reason, I can't seem to shake the image.

So anyway, Ron White has a Vegas-style variety show. He runs around and plays with showgirls, drinks a bit, makes some tame jokes, and I think there was a chimpanzee at one point. Also, Dr. Phil shows up. I'd get more into it, but the show lasted one @#$% episode.

The inaugural episode of The Ron White Show in 2005 on the WB may well have been one of the most disastrous television debuts in the history of the medium. Before the credits had begun to roll on the first episode, panicked executives were already frantically trying to fill the timeslot with something else, anything else. Even an infomercial for a facial wax would have looked good to them at that moment.

One could even argue that this embarrassing debut was actually worse than if they had never bothered to create the show in the first place. At least that way, the creators could walk away with their dignity intact; but more importantly, they would preserve the fanciful idea in place that such a show could actually succeed, at least theoretically. Oh, to dream!

Alas, they took the idea into practice and were punished severely for their disregard for the comedic requirements of America. The show does not merely crash and burn; it spontaneously combusts into the faces of everyone associated with it, leaving third-degree burns to the majority of the body, with unfortunate scarring in the genitals. Ouch.

The Ron White Show is a single, lamentable, laughable, pitiful episode of a dastardly poor television special that failed to materialize both fans and laughter from those unfortunate enough to view it. This DVD is either a "hail Mary" last-ditch effort on the part of the show's financiers to recoup a handful of change so they can take the bus home tonight, or the first sign of the Apocalypse:

Revelation 8:1: And when he had opened The Ron White Show , there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour.

For a television transfer, the audio and video is sufficient to do the job of torturing and assaulting its audience with the terribleness of the content. With the veracity that the live audience is cheering and applauding for Ron White, it is clear that human beings can get very, very drunk. Also, one thing remains true: what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. I wouldn't admit to being at this taping either.

I can already see the flood of angry e-mails from fans of these blue-collared comedians denouncing this review as overly biased. For the record, I respect humor that revels in its regional eccentricities and quaintness. It only counts for actual funny humor, though. Crap is crap no matter where you live.

The Ron White Show sucks out loud. It got cancelled for sucking. Now, it can suck in your living room. The only thing good about this DVD is that you only get one terrible episode rather than a multitude of terrible episodes.

Thank heavens for small mercies. This was the longest 22 minutes of my life.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 11

Perp Profile

Studio: Sony
Video Formats:
• Full Frame
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)
Subtitles:
• None
Running Time: 22 Minutes
Release Year: 2005
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Genres:
• Bad
• Comedy
• Television

Distinguishing Marks

• None

Accomplices

• IMDb
• Official Site








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