The Charge

The most popular highly-absorbent sexually ambiguous underwater dwelling cartoon character in the world returns with a six-pack of episodes.

The Case

Here's my chance to make some serious traction on the "most-popular reviews" list. These Spongebob Squarepants discs seem to attract all kinds of readership, for whatever reason (well, it's because kids are looking for images so their Google searches point them here), and I'm anxious to climb the ranks in our referrals page. And if those image searches no longer point to the site, well, I guess I'll have to do it the old-fashioned way, with thought-provoking observations and penetrating, skillful prose.

Eh, who am I kidding? It's frickin' Spongebob Squarepants. What can I write about him that hasn't been said?

This disc offers up six episodes from the fourth season of the nautical nincompoop's adventures, with one of the shows, "Have You Seen This Snail?" a two-part, 24-minute jumbo offering.

Here are the eps:

• "Have You Seen This Snail?"
As Spongebob concerns himself with trying to top the paddleball record, he fails to take care of his pet snail, Gary. Feeling neglected, and quite hungry, Gary takes off for the city, where he meets a benevolent old lady who starts stuffing food down his gullet. Meanwhile, Spongebob and Patrick search desperately for Gary. But Gary, overstuffed with food and dangerously bordering on an intestinal rupture, wants out. Will he be reunited with his beloved owner?

• "The Lost Mattress"
In order to kiss up to Mr. Krabs, Spongebob and Squidward decide to a buy a brand new mattress for their boss. The day before, Krabs had been complaining about back trouble, and his two employees see a prime opportunity to earn some brownie points. Unfortunately, after discarding Mr. Krabs' old mattress, they find out that's where he stored all of his money, and they are forced to get it back. A powerful lesson on personal checking accounts for the kids.

• "Skill Crane"
Mr. Krabs installs a Skill Crane in his restaurant, thinking it will make him some easy money. Squidward quickly becomes addicted, and, after untold amounts of change later, finally bags himself a cheap stuffed animal. The success goes to his head, as he tries his hand at a real crane…with disastrous—and hilarious!—results.

• "Krabs vs. Plankton"
The diabolical Plankton is back, and once again after the secret recipe to the Krabbypatty. This time, he decides to take a different route, slapping Mr. Krabs with a personal injury suit, and threatening to win the recipe in a judgment. Spongebob steps in as Mr. Krabs' lawyer, the future of the Krabbypatty riding on his legal know-how.

• "The Great Snail Race"
Squidward and Spongebob sign up for a snail race, with Gary going head-to-head with Squidward's thoroughbred. It will be a battle to the end, though neither of them count on a third entry, Patrick's rock.

• "Good Neighbor"
All Squidward wants to do is relax on Sunday afternoon, but Patrick and Spongebob's endless interference make that a serious implausibility.

I'm not sure what to say, here. Mr. Squarepants is so ridiculously popular, this disc will most definitely sell itself. Me, I'm not the biggest fan of this show. Yes it is sporadically entertaining, and definitely crazier than most everything else out there, but I've long felt Spongebob Squarepants was a funny name first and a likeable, amusing cartoon character a distant second.

Anyway, kids, don't listen to this Mr. Crankypants. If you dig the sponge, this disc will treat you right—though I'm sure you've seen each one of these episodes at least 50 times already.

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