If Judge John Floyd said he was expecting this to be a hard-hitting, factual exposé about the German education system, would you believe him?
Our reviews of Schoolgirl Report 1: What Parents Don't Think Is Possible (published April 12th, 2007), Schoolgirl Report 2: What Keeps Parents Awake At Night (published September 21st, 2007), Schoolgirl Report 3: What Parents Find Unthinkable (International Edition) (published August 29th, 2008), and Schoolgirl Report 4: What Drives Parents To Despair (published August 29th, 2008) are also available.
"You're a heavy bag!"
There's nothing more enjoyable than good, old-fashioned exploitation sleaze disguised as investigative journalism…for about 10 minutes. Too bad this movie runs for over an hour and a half.
Facts of the Case
Günther Heller continues his pseudo-documentary series about the sex lives of teenage girls in this collection of softcore "reenactments" and impromptu interviews.
The novelty of Schoolgirl Report 3: What Parents Find Unthinkable wears thin very quickly. Initially, the movie recaptures some of that classic Kroger Babb roadshow magic by presenting scenes of attractive German young people snickering at a Christian sex guide and cavorting in their birthday suits as a shocking, uncompromising look at modern, promiscuous youth. As the film proceeds from one erotic vignette (most involving subjects like rape, incest, and prostitution) to the next, though, the viewer cannot help but become acutely aware that they are watching simulated kiddie porn. At least, I hope it was simulated.
Though the sex scenes generally consist of the male actors kissing the necks, shoulders, and belly buttons of their writhing, panting female co-stars, there isn't much you won't see here when it comes to varieties of teenage depravity. In one sequence, a young girl is gang raped by three boys in the ladies' room before the janitor comes to the rescue. Instead of helping her, however, he threatens to ruin her reputation with the story if she doesn't perform a few sexual favors for some of his wealthy friends. In another story, a girl seduces her boyfriend's father and carries on a lengthy affair with him, only to accuse him of rape when the boyfriend tells her parents. Still another tale has a pretty young blonde offering herself to her own father after catching daddy sleeping with her aunt while mommy is away in a mental hospital. Her reasoning? She doesn't want her parents' marriage to fall apart because of her mother's illness, and dad is, after all, a man with needs. There's even a back alley murder and rape at gunpoint near the end, in case you haven't had enough good, clean fun up to that point.
For the fan of cautionary exploitation flicks (which I am), none of this would be particularly troubling if it wasn't apparent that many of the bare actors and actresses on hand were not past the legal age of consent when this movie was shot. Most of the ladies featured look as though they could be real teenagers, and one segment includes a fully unclothed boy who has obviously not even hit puberty yet. Seeing a busty 20-year-old stripper pretending to be a fresh-off-the-bus farm girl of 18 corrupted by big city sin can be appealing, if played with the right balance of tawdry melodrama and eroticism. Watching a 15-year-old girl try to seduce her 12-year-old brother is just plain wrong. If the performers here are just really young looking adults, they are a bit too believable for their (and the film's) own good. Call me a prude, but I prefer my cinematic teen sex kittens to be at least old enough to vote off-camera.
The narration and interview segments do add a measure of faux journalistic camp, but don't do anything to erase the dirty feeling the viewer begins to experience after about the 10-minute mark. Ultimately, Schoolgirl Report 3: What Parents Find Unthinkable wallows in its own unpleasantness a little too eagerly and for a little too long to be enjoyable. For this reason, it fails as both grindhouse erotica and roadshow puberty scare fare.
For those still considering picking up a copy, the widescreen print looks and sounds fine, but the DVD includes no extras.
The Rebuttal Witnesses
What can be said in defense of this movie? It's certainly authentic, early '70s exploitation. A little too authentic, frankly.
When one sits down to watch a film with the subtitle "What Parents Find Unthinkable," one expects to see some unapologetic acts of deviance and delinquency. What one doesn't expect to see are real juveniles committing them.
Guilty. Parents, do you know where your children are?
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Scales of Justice
Studio: Impulse Pictures
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