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Case Number 08974: Small Claims Court

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Sexual Confessions

Sexual Confessions (1973)
1973 // 42 Minutes // Unrated
Sexual Confessions (2005)
2005 // 58 Minutes // Unrated
Released by Seduction Cinema
Reviewed by Judge Mitchell Hattaway (Retired) // March 31st, 2006

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All Rise...

Judge Mitchell Hattaway is interested in this multiple-personality-disorder sex romp purely for clinical reasons. Really.

The Charge

Carnal curiosity brought her to the brink of destruction!

The Case

This doubleheader from the fine folks at Seduction Cinema brings you twice the softcore fun you're accustomed to. Although both films on this disc carry the name Sexual Confessions, the older of the two is actually Three Phases of Eve, a hump flick originally released back in 1973. See, the print used for this release is missing the opening credits (probably the result of a moneymaking scheme by some unscrupulous theater owner), so the Seduction Cinema people were able to slap any name they chose on it and package it with an in-name-only remake. But who cares about that, right? Nobody who's interested in these movies wants a history lesson. You just want to know about the good stuff, don't you? Well I'm about to tell you, so keep your shirt on.

Housewife Eve (Sandi Carey) has a problem: her personality has spilt into three different personas. There's Conservative Eve, who spends her time taking care of her husband. There's Sensual Eve, who enjoys picking up strange men and bringing them home. Then there's Nympho Eve, who will make it with anything that moves. Eve seeks help from Doctor Bushnell (Rick Lutz), a psychiatrist who is extremely interested in her plight. Sitting in the shrink's office, Eve details a sexual encounter with her husband, as well as a ménage she had with her husband and a stranger she hooked up with at a local bar. Once the session is over, Bushnell calls his mentor, seeking advice on how to help Eve. The doctor later receives a call from Eve, who says she is in serious trouble. Bushnell races to rescue Eve, only to find her about to get down with a lucky stud and two other women. Bushnell saves Eve, and by "saves Eve" I mean he takes her into a bedroom and bones her. Meanwhile, the lucky stud and the two other women get it on. Back in his office, Bushnell calls his mentor and thanks him for his help, saying the plan to cure Eve worked perfectly. The camera pans down, revealing Eve with her head buried in the doctor's crotch. Nympho Eve has taken over!

This movie is great, and by that I mean it's funny as hell, most often unintentionally so. The psychiatrist, who seemingly can't afford a receptionist (probably because he spends most of his money on the cheroots he's constantly smoking), appears to work out of his garage (it's either his garage or one of those self-storage units). In the scene during which Eve has brought home the stranger, her husband watches them kiss, dry hump, get completely naked, and then waits until the guy is about to go down on Eve before he bursts into the room and tries to break things up. Later, after Eve has convinced her husband to join in, the stranger looks back and forth between Eve and her husband, unable to decide whether he wants to take the highway or the back roads. (As is pointed out in the liner notes included with this disc, the stranger is played by Rick Cassidy; Rick got his start in gay porn, which explains his indecisiveness.) You can tell the actors were making up their dialogue; listening to Lutz trying to sound like a psychiatrist is sort of like listening to Denise Richards trying to sound like a nuclear physicist. Then there are the clothes. Most of the women sport underwear from a line of lingerie that appears to have been inspired by Fruit Stripe gum. Lutz wears an orange tie so wide you could land a 747 on it. And get this—when Eve calls the doctor to come rescue her, he is so concerned with her wellbeing that takes the time to stops and change into a studded jumpsuit and gold choker before heading out (Glenn Campbell's "Rhinestone Cowboy" popped into my head the moment I saw Lutz in his fancy duds). That's good stuff. The sex isn't bad, either. Camera angles, some awkward editing, and strategically placed limbs obscure the really dirty stuff, although on occasion you can tell that what appears to be going on actually is going on. (There also appears to be some evidence as to what's really going on all over Sandi Carey's chin at the end of the final scene, if you know what I mean.)

So what about the 2005 version? Well, it gives you what Seduction Cinema is best known for: softcore lesbian shenanigans. See, Ruby (Ruby LaRocca, Dr. Horror's Erotic House of Idiots) has a problem: she keeps fantasizing about catching Darian (Darian Caine, Lust in Space), her roommate, masturbating. Ruby goes to see a shrink named Dr. Katie (Katie Jordon, Erotic Survivor 2) and describes her fantasy in graphic detail. Darian also has a problem: she keeps fantasizing about seducing a coworker named Kelli (Kelli Summers, Busty Cops). Darian goes to see Dr. Katie and describes her fantasy in graphic detail. As if that weren't enough, Kelli also has a problem: she keeps fantasizing about seducing Ruby. Kelli goes to see Dr. Katie and describes her fantasy in graphic detail. Luckily for us, Kelli's fantasy also involves being watched by two other women, which means that Darian and Dr. Katie get to join in the fun.

This movie is great, and by that I mean it's really nothing more than 52 minutes of simulated lesbian sex. Problem is, it's also really nothing more than what you'll find in just about any other Seduction Cinema release. Sure, the naked women are nice to look at (with the exception of Katie Jordon, who bears a rather frightening resemblance to Michael Jackson), but there's only so much you can do with this sort of thing. Each scene is interesting for about the first five minutes or so, but the next ten minutes prove to be quite monotonous.

The technical quality of Sexual Confessions (1973)/Three Phases of Eve is pretty bad. The print used to source the anamorphic transfer was rife with dirt, debris, and vertical scratches. There is also evidence of fading, and there's a purplish hue to skin tones in the sex scenes (the actors all look like that nitwit Violet Beauregarde before she was sent down to the Juicing Room to be squeezed). The mono soundtrack hisses and pops like mad. There is also a complete audio dropout late in the flick; when the sound finally returns it is out-of-sync for a couple of minutes. The 2005 version was shot on the same low-grade digital videotape used for most Seduction Cinema flicks, although the transfer for this one is a marginal step up from what they usually crank out. Things still look a bit flat overall, but the smearing that has plagued past releases isn't present. The soundtrack for this version is stereo, but the only time you'll notice any channel separation is in the incredibly cheesy synthesizer score. Extras include the aforementioned liner notes (courtesy of 42nd Street Pete) and previews for about a dozen other Seduction Cinema releases.

Bottom line on this pair of flicks: you get what you pay for. There's plenty of flesh on display, and the price is reasonable. Anyway, I'm starting to realize that these flicks are above (or below) any form of criticism. And given how they earn a living, the guys at Seduction Cinema are obviously smarter than I am, so who am I judge what they do?

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• Erotic
• Exploitation

Scales of Justice, Sexual Confessions (1973)

Judgment: 55

Perp Profile, Sexual Confessions (1973)

Studio: Seduction Cinema
Video Formats:
• 1.78:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 2.0 Mono (English)
• None
Running Time: 42 Minutes
Release Year: 1973
MPAA Rating: Unrated

Distinguishing Marks, Sexual Confessions (1973)

• Liner Notes by 42nd Street Pete

Scales of Justice, Sexual Confessions (2005)

Judgment: 55

Perp Profile, Sexual Confessions (2005)

Studio: Seduction Cinema
Video Formats:
• Full Frame
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)
• None
Running Time: 58 Minutes
Release Year: 2005
MPAA Rating: Unrated

Distinguishing Marks, Sexual Confessions (2005)

• Trailers


• IMDb: Three Phases of Eve

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