All Rise...

Come check out Judge Daniel Kelly's smelliest garbage heap. I'm sure you'll find multiple copies of this DVD there.

The Charge

Eight hours of beautiful locales and sun drenched environments doesn't sound so too bad, does it? Well guess what, it is.

The Case

Bridget's Sexiest Beaches is a pretty horrendous way to spend your time. Fans of the awful Playboy reality show The Girls Next Door (from which our host Bridget Marquardt gained celebrity status) might find it tolerable, but everyone else should bolt for the hills. Even diehard travel enthusiasts won't find this DVD set interesting, everything included could probably be seen much less painlessly in your average holiday brochure. This release contains the 12 episodes from season one (each running for about 40 minutes) and sees our airheaded host take us to "sexy beaches" all over the planet. Sure the locations look great, but I recently made a similar comment about the dogged Vince Vaughn comedy Couples Retreat. It may have looked great but it was still a bad movie, and so despite its tropical eye candy, this remains a terrible show.

Bridget tries to be affable and laid back but just comes across as aggravating and overly peppy. It's hard to spend any amount of time in the former centerfold's company without wanting to strangle her; Bridget's refusal to relax and stop babbling torrents of inanity makes Jar Jar Binks looks like the sort of fellow you could happily have a few beers with. I know she wants to come across as fun loving, sexy, and carefree, but the actual result is like a teenage girl who's overdosed on vodka, ecstasy, and sugar. She's just too full on for her bimbo act not to grate quickly. In fairness, the former playmate is up for anything and tries out all manner of crazy physical activity (hiking, cliffside diving, funky foreign dishes, and tolerating a plethora of horny locals) but ultimately the lack of cultural insight or fascinating information renders the show pointless from a travel perspective.

Bridget's Sexiest Beaches actually comes off more as a celebration of bikini culture, not something the average globetrotter is going to be that enamored with. Bridget, given her career as a model, understandably prances about in tiny swimsuits for most of the duration but devoting whole segments of the season to bikini shopping and drafting in other Playboy alumni sort of reveals its empty headed intentions. Also throwing Kendra Wilkinson's ear splitting laugh into any program is a rookie error, even if you promptly undress her into her underwear. Bridget's Sexiest Beaches has an appearance from Wilkinson in the very first episode; just about as annoying a start as any show could have. The program takes viewers to countries including the USA, Spain, Croatia, and Morocco but makes little genuine effort to create memorable points of interest concerning any of these exotic lands. Overall Bridget's Sexiest Beaches is a bust, but I guess due to its inclusion of a lot of pretty scenery, it's possibly better than The Girls Next Door. Clear emphasis on the possibly though.

The release spreads the show and bonus content over three discs; not that there's much of the latter anyway. Two featurettes are included, one of which, called Turn-Ons is simply a highlight reel of Bridget's travels. If you can't face the show this gives you absolutely everything you need to know in just over 30 minutes, but if you've sat through the entire season this is highly skippable stuff. The second feature is considerably shorter but a bit more watchable, Bikini Blast simply running through the programs most memorable swim suit moments and titillating outfits. No more intellectual than a Caveman then, but less irritating than a standard episode of the show.

The Verdict

Travel far and wide to avoid this one.

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