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Case Number 15519

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Shut Up And Shoot

Koch Vision // 2006 // 88 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // January 22nd, 2009

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All Rise...

Judge David Johnson just needs to shut up and dance.

The Charge

They're making a movie and it's a real killer.

Opening Statement

Just what we need! Another movie about Hollywood that thinks it's a lot cleverer than it is.

Facts of the Case

Up-and-coming movie star Sonny Westwood (Silvio Pollio) has a bright future in the motion picture business, but when his shifty producer Spencer Spector (Joe Cortese) convinces him to go on a cross-town murdering spree…sorry, I lost a handle on that sentence.

The Evidence

The truth is, this movie makes no sense. There are gunfights, a couple of bad-ass girls that accompany Sonny on these hits, some kind of motivation for all the violence, and failed attempts at humor, but none of it ever it comes together to form a coherent movie.

More power to writer/director/producer/star Silvio Pollio for going out and making a movie, but this thing doesn't even come close to working. It's supposed to be a comedy, I suppose, but for that label to apply, you'd have to have at least a molecule of humor. Not so for Shut Up and Shoot.

Take the fake movies Sonny's in, like "Amish Heat," which isn't a good joke to start with. The script insists on making an extended sequence out of the fake title, dropping the "H," calling it "Amish Meat" and coughing up a bunch of lines about a porno starring Amish men. As tortured and tedious as that one-sentence description was, it doesn't even approach the pain that accompanies sitting through this stuff unfolding on screen.

The whole conceit of a producer hiring an actor to rub out his rivals was a non-starter anyway. Basically, we meet Sonny Westwood and a little while later he's agreeing to go on a murder spree. Why he's doing it is never fully explained, but who cares? This is one of those meta-Hollywood movies and the sheer cleverness of it all shall trump the worthlessness of the actual film, right?

I wish I could sift through the madness and give you a better sense of what this movie is about, but it's not going to happen. Shut Up and Shoot is a disjointed mess, from the dopey opening musical number to the ending, which, as a way of validating this wasn't actually a functional movie, takes 10 minutes to explicitly spell out what has transpired during the previous 85.

The only entertaining aspect of the whole affair was Joe Cortese, chewing through scenery and hamming it up in record amounts. Unfortunately, he's surrounded by bored cameos (Tom Sizemore, Daniel Baldwin, Gary Busey) and disposable supporting characters turning in overwrought, under-skilled performances. The prime example being Silvio Pollio himself, tasked with exuding menace and humor, faltering on both.

The DVD is an attractive 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen, with a 5.1 surround mix, some underwhelming deleted scenes, promo footage, and a making-of featurette.

Closing Statement

Upon further reflection, I kind of hate this movie.

The Verdict

Guilty. How about just shutting up.

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Scales of Justice

Video: 85
Audio: 85
Extras: 75
Acting: 50
Story: 40
Judgment: 46

Perp Profile

Studio: Koch Vision
Video Formats:
• 1.85:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
• Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)
Subtitles:
• None
Running Time: 88 Minutes
Release Year: 2006
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Genres:
• Bad
• Comedy
• Thriller

Distinguishing Marks

• Deleted Scenes
• Featurette

Accomplices

• IMDb








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