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Case Number 18775: Small Claims Court

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Sleazy Sci-Fi Of The 1970s

Dr. Dildo's Secret
1973 // 64 Minutes // Not Rated
Invasion Of The Bee Girls
1973 // 85 Minutes // Not Rated
2069: A Sex Odyssey
1974 // 73 Minutes // Not Rated
Released by Secret Key Motion Pictures
Reviewed by Judge Daryl Loomis // April 23rd, 2010

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All Rise...

Judge Daryl Loomis keeps a hive of bee girls in the basement of his spaceship; don't tell anybody, he's got plans for them.

Editor's Note

Our review of 2069: A Sex Odyssey / Run, Virgin, Run, published February 2nd, 2006, is also available.

The Charge

They'll love the very life out of your body.

The Case

There were a lot of sleazy movies made in the 1970s. These are three of them and they are all science fiction.

Invasion of the Bee Girls
In an elite scientific community, men are starting to turn up dead. They're supposedly healthy, but they're dying during coitus. The women are alive and well, but acting strangely. Apparently, this all has something to do with bees.

2069: A Sex Odyssey
A shipful of amorous aliens descends on a small Bavarian mountain town. While posing as a French ski team, these otherworldly beauties have one goal in mind: harvest thousands of gallons of sperm from the men to repopulate their planet.

Dr. Dildo's Secret
Determined to build the perfect female specimen, Dr. Dildo kidnaps women and kills them so he can reconstruct them to his liking. When they are perfect, he breathes new life into them through sex.

What a strange and awful group of movies we have on the slate today. 2069: A Sex Odyssey was an old Cinemax fave, but I was completely unaware of the other two films; for good reason, I suppose. Wretched in every way, Invasion of the Bee Girls and Dr. Dildo's Secret are great examples of how bad exploitation films can be, but that doesn't make them worth watching. I can't accuse distributor Secret Key of false advertising, though. Sleazy Sci-Fi of the 1970s is about as appropriate a title as could be, as the three films are pure sleaze and scummy to the core.

The presence of 2069 may lead viewers to believe that this is a softcore collection, but it's the only film in the set that takes the sex to the limit. That the film is by far the best of the bunch is a pretty sad statement for the rest of the collection, but it is nonetheless a trashy fun time. These luscious frauleins front a German sex comedy that spoofs police procedure and international competition, leaving their ship in skintight silver spacesuits to go find human clothes. After they steal what they can find, the film turns into dress-up fantasy that includes nuns, cops, and men, of course. While the Germans aren't necessarily known for their comedy, 2069 is a ribald fun with a number of laughs and seriously hot actresses. In the world of sleazy sci-fi, it's about as good as it gets.

Not so much for Invasion of the Bee Girls, though. It may be just as strange and even sleazier than 2069, but it's not nearly as much fun. Unlike its German cousin, this American exploitation flick tries to explain itself logically, as though it's hard science fiction. This is a bad idea, given what this story entails. When you have something this cheap and stupid, the last thing the filmmakers should do is take it seriously. Maybe all of the time-wasting pseudo-scientific babble would have been worth it if it had taken the erotic tact of 2069. The actresses are attractive, it's true, and they become ravenous sexual beasts after acquiring bee traits (however that actually works; it's so absurd, it defies explanation). Unfortunately, these traits also turn the women's eyes into massive black orbs, making them look weird and wholly unattractive. The supposedly sexy scenes that result will appeal exclusively to those with the narrow fetish of women who have recently returned from the ophthalmologist.

I was naive to think it couldn't get worse than Invasion of the Bee Girls, but was shocked at the utter ineptitude of the third feature in the collection. The bizarre, nasty, and god-awful Dr. Dildo's Secret (if that is its real name) is truly one of the worst piles of garbage I've ever seen. It's almost pornographic in its pointlessness, though sadly not in its eroticism. I don't see how it classifies as science fiction, but I don't really care. The less said about the film itself, the better, but suffice it to say that the plot is driven by one man's quest to help Dr. Dildo with his experiments; that is, to have sex with dead women. Let's just stop talking about it. There's a real mystery here, though, and it's that I know absolutely nothing about this movie. There is a title card, but all the front and end credits have been chopped off and the copyrights are 2010, though it's clearly a '70s picture. I don't know the director or any of the actors, and any search I've been able to do points directly back to this collection, which is hardly a help. It's a mystery and I'm stuck on it, so if anybody has any info on this one, terrible though it may be, drop me a line; I'd really like to know.

Expectations become pretty low when you have a three film collection on a single disc, but that's what Secret Key presents us with in the bare-bones Sleazy Sci-Fi of the 1970s. At least it doesn't build up your expectations, because none are met. All three are in full frame and all look and sound like bad videotape transfers. The best thing I can say about the collection is that, at eighteen bucks, it's a reasonable price if you're into the worst kind of Seventies sleaze.

The Verdict

Guilty as it gets.

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Genres

• Cult
• Erotic
• Exploitation
• Science Fiction

Scales of Justice, Dr. Dildo's Secret

Judgment: 15

Perp Profile, Dr. Dildo's Secret

Studio: Secret Key Motion Pictures
Video Formats:
• Full Frame
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 1.0 Mono (English)
Subtitles:
• None
Running Time: 64 Minutes
Release Year: 1973
MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Distinguishing Marks, Dr. Dildo's Secret

• None

Scales of Justice, Invasion Of The Bee Girls

Judgment: 50

Perp Profile, Invasion Of The Bee Girls

Studio: Secret Key Motion Pictures
Video Formats:
• Full Frame
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 1.0 Mono (English)
Subtitles:
• None
Running Time: 85 Minutes
Release Year: 1973
MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Distinguishing Marks, Invasion Of The Bee Girls

• None

Scales of Justice, 2069: A Sex Odyssey

Judgment: 75

Perp Profile, 2069: A Sex Odyssey

Studio: Secret Key Motion Pictures
Video Formats:
• Full Frame
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 1.0 Mono (English)
Subtitles:
• None
Running Time: 73 Minutes
Release Year: 1974
MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Distinguishing Marks, 2069: A Sex Odyssey

• None








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