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Case Number 24746: Small Claims Court

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Snowmageddon

Anchor Bay // 2012 // 89 Minutes // Rated PG-13
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // October 30th, 2012

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All Rise...

Judge David Johnson welcomes Snowmageddon. It would be great for the NH tourism industry.

The Charge

Hell has frozen over.

The Case

This is some stupid movie. The latest Syfy original production brings us yet another natural disaster film populated by dodgy visual effects and a cadre of actors who look somewhat familiar. What sets Snowmageddon apart—in a dubious manner—is the plot device that sets off the craziness.

Are you ready for this?

No, seriously, you have to be prepared for this reveal.

The source of the Snowmageddon is…

…a magic snow globe.

The sheriff of Normal, Alaska finds a mysterious Christmas Eve gift on his doorstep. Inside is a snow globe featuring a highly detailed, miniature version of his town square…and no one knows who sent it. Soon afterward, weirdly terrifying weather events begin to occur—lethal ice bursts, avalanches, earthquakes. Clueless as to what can be causing these devastating phenomena, the Sheriff makes the connection between the globe and the weather. Then Fred (Michael Hogan, Battlestar Galactica) who runs the local toy store, deduces the globe might be cursed and must be destroyed by to tossing it into an active volcano.

Yep, all this actually happened. But what's unforgivable is that, in the face of this pervasive inanity, we are denied the promised Snowmageddon!

This isn't the first time a disaster movie with a sexy title failed to serve up the mayhem that was inferred. I reviewed something called Nuclear Tsunami or Nuclear Hurricane—I can't remember, they're all the same anyway—and that movie also opted to not deliver the goods. Look, I understand budget constraints, but if you're going to lure viewers in with the promise of sundry climate havoc, throw us a bone.

Nope, the ice bursts and an avalanche (which our heroes outrun by driving a gigantic and incredibly slow snowplow) are pretty much it. Woven in with these hijinks is a side story about the Sheriff's daughter and her infatuation with some teeny bop idol and some other family stuff. The storylines suggest Snowmageddon is geared towards families, but a few scenes with some frostbitten guys sporting persuasively gross makeup make me doubt that.

A no-frills Blu-ray comes with no extras and a serviceable technical treatment: 1.78:1/1080p high def widescreen transfer and Dolby TrueHD 5.1 surround.

I'll have my final statement be from the last sentence of the disc case synopsis: "…from the executive producers of Ice Quake, Mega Cyclone, Stonehenge Apocalypse, and Mongolian Death Worm."

The Verdict

Guilty. Let's keep this one languishing in the cooler next to the Zima.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 60

Perp Profile

Studio: Anchor Bay
Video Formats:
• 1.78:1 Non-Anamorphic (1080p)
Audio Formats:
• TrueHD 5.1 Surround (English)
Subtitles:
• Spanish
Running Time: 89 Minutes
Release Year: 2012
MPAA Rating: Rated PG-13
Genres:
• Action
• Adventure
• Blu-ray
• Disaster
• Fantasy

Distinguishing Marks

• None

Accomplices

• IMDb








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