The Case
If you're already familiar with the SpongeBob SquarePants animated
series (and given its massive popularity with both the young and the young at
heart, most likely you are), feel free to skip to the next paragraph and get
right to the goods. Otherwise, as the series title indicates, SpongeBob is a
talking yellow sponge (an absorbent and porous one at that) sporting boxy
drawers. He loves jellyfish hunting and his job as a fry cook, whipping up
delectable Krabby Patty burgers for the hungry citizens of Bikini Bottom. If you
think that's a wee bit odd, consider some of the other inhabitants of
SpongeBob's underwater world: His best friend is a goofy starfish; his next-door
neighbor is a cranky squid with a passion for playing the clarinet; he's not
above hanging out with an air-breathing, feisty squirrel from Texas; his boss is
a greedy crab; and his pet is a snail that meows like a cat. I don't understand
the combination of alcohol and medication that series creator Stephen Hillenburg
must have ingested in coming up with such a wild menagerie of characters and
settings, but trust me—it works. There's no educational value here;
SpongeBob SquarePants is pure whimsy and unabashed entertainment.
Shrewdly arriving in stores just prior to the theatrical release of
SpongeBob SquarePants: The Movie, this compilation features eight
episodes, each roughly 13 minutes in length, from season three:
• "Krusty Krab Training Video"
Ready to start
cranking out those Krabby Patties? Drop that spatula! New employees must watch
this orientation video on the history and regulations of the Krusty Krab
restaurant. Complete with upbeat narration, cheesy corporate music, and
PowerPoint-like chapter titles, this episode deviates from a "normal"
SpongeBob episode in its style and presentation and will be most appreciated by
adults who've sat through any corporate rah-rah or training video at some point
in their lives. It's obvious that the writers had great fun coming up with this
one. It also sports one of the best endings of any SpongeBob SquarePants episode
produced to date.
Grade: A
• "Can You Spare a Dime?"
Squidward quits after
Mr. Krabs accuses him of stealing his lucky dime. When SpongeBob takes in his
unemployed friend, Squidward becomes the ultimate freeloader. Breakfast buffets
in bed and bald head polishing quickly turn into SpongeBob responding to
Squidward's every need. One hilarious sequence shows the exterior of SpongeBob's
pineapple, lights flicking on and off as Squidward makes several late-night
demands. When SpongeBob forgets to turn on his own light before tromping up the
stairs, we know what's coming, and the sound of the sponge tumbling down the
stairs is priceless. Despite the disturbing sight of SpongeBob dressed in his
uniform (a French maid outfit), it's a fun episode, showcasing something viewers
thought they'd never see—Squidward and SpongeBob living under the same
roof.
Grade: B+
• "Missing Identity"
SpongeBob tells
disinterested diners of the time he lost his Krusty Krab name tag and was forced
to retrace his steps in an effort to find the missing badge. While I couldn't
help but laugh at SpongeBob's "bleah!" as he repeatedly tasted Gary's
"Snailpo" food, I found the episode rather dull. As SpongeBob finishes
his tale, the diner's customer yawns. Indeed.
Grade: C
• "Krabby Land"
It's the first day of summer, and
Mr. Krabs is ready to jack up the price of the Kiddie Meal and profit from all
the unsupervised kids roaming Bikini Bottom. When the children are attracted to
a new nearby playground, Mr. Krabs builds his own fun park to sway the
youngsters. Behold "Krabby Land—where a kid can have fun, for the
right price!" In typical Mr. Krabs fashion, his attractions (Fort
Adventure, Hose World, Toaster Rodeo, and Rocketship Fantastica) are a
hodge-podge of old barrels, sheet metal, wood planks, and bamboo. Despite his
attempts to keep the kids satisfied with free coloring books/liability waivers,
the kids want to see Krabby the Clown. It's up to SpongeBob to distract them
until Krabby arrives. This is a great episode, featuring Mr. Krabs at his
greediest and cheapest.
Grade: A
• "Wet Painters"
SpongeBob and Patrick are
assigned the special task of painting the inside of Mr. Krabs' house. The degree
of difficulty for this seemingly simple task is amped when Mr. Krabs tells the
duo he'll cut off their butts and mount them on his wall if they get any of the
permanent paint on anything but the walls. Of course, the walls are covered with
pictures, knick-knacks, and other treasures. Soon, SpongeBob and Patrick are
dealing with flying paint droplets, a wall drip that appears to have a mind of
its own, and two huge paint bubbles. Despite their best efforts, paint gets on
Mr. Krabs' most prized possession—his first dollar of profit—forcing
SpongeBob and Patrick to figure out how to remove the paint and literally save
their rear ends. Another instant classic: Patrick is especially goofy in this
one, and it's a hoot seeing the two friends go through their special brand of
hell in trying to do something so simple as paint a room.
Grade:
A
• "New Student Starfish"
SpongeBob brings Patrick
along to Mrs. Puff's Boating School, proudly showing his friend things like
"the room with the most class!" (the classroom) and "the ladle
that helps us drink from the fountain of knowledge!" (the chalkboard). We
learn that SpongeBob is a model student, sporting 74 "Good Noodle"
gold stars earned for things like attendance, penmanship, and basic desk
sanitation. Soon, his reputation is endangered as he and Patrick talk and laugh
during class. When Patrick draws an unflattering picture of Mrs. Puff and passes
it to his friend, SpongeBob loses a Good Noodle and is sent to the back of the
class. Spitballs, an "embarrassing" fight in the hallway, and
detentions ensue.
Grade: B
• "Mid-Life Crustacean"
Mr. Krabs fears that he's
getting old. Being helped across the street by a Boy Scout-like young man and
jeered by another for walking slow and leaving his blinker on for the past five
blocks (a joke sure to fly right past the kids) aren't easing his concerns. When
he overhears SpongeBob and Patrick planning a night of partying and fun, he
thinks that going out with them is the cure to his ills. The night of debauchery
includes hanging out at the Laundromat and watching the swirling clothes during
the rinse cycle, picking up trash under the highway overpass, going to the
dentist, and other similar hot-blooded activities. Can the finale—a panty
raid—redeem an evening that otherwise redefines the word
"losers"? Unfortunately, this episode is as boring as the trio's night
of fun—or lack thereof. Skip this one and head straight to the final
episode on the disc.
Grade: C-
• "The Camping Episode"
With SpongeBob and
Patrick off for a weekend of camping, Squidward looks forward to a nice,
relaxing weekend. When he learns that they're camping ten feet from their front
door, he joins them in an attempt to prove that he's not soft. From his attempts
to set up his tent to toasting marshmallows over a campfire, nothing goes right
for Squidward. Repeated mauling by the supposedly-mythical "sea bear"
round out Squidward's camping efforts. Warning to parents: This episode features
SpongeBob's enthusiastic rendition of a campfire song entitled "The
Campfire Song" and may lead to young viewers dancing around the house
screaming "C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song!" for days on end. I speak
from experience; you've been warned.
Grade: B
Each episode is presented in its original full frame aspect ratio, and the
visuals are sharp and colorful. The Dolby Digital audio brings clarity to
SpongeBob's reverberating laugh and the other sounds of Bikini Bottom, but don't
expect this disc to unleash the power of your home theater. For programming of
this type, the video and audio are sufficient. Besides, it's
SpongeBob—kids would probably watch this on a snowy black-and-white
television with a death rattle and have nary a complaint.
Aside from the episodes, a few extras are included. Curious viewers with an
interest in animation will enjoy the storyboards included for four of the eight
episodes. They're actually quite enjoyable, showing each scene in the episode in
rough, blank-and-white sketches complete with notations on things like character
movement and scene framing. Key dialogue is included, and it's fun to see how
these static, sometimes-crude drawings become the dynamic, colorful episodes in
the end.
If you have a DVD-ROM installed in your PC, the "Nick Recipes"
extra will let you view and print four recipes (Kelp Kettle Corn Balls,
Retroville Ranch Dip, Vicky's Not-So-Icky Veggie Sticks, and Green Slime
Birthday Cake) from Stir, Squirt, Sizzle: A Nick Cookbook, a kid-friendly
cookbook with creations inspired by characters from various Nickelodeon series.
It's a nice little extra that, while shilling for the cookbook, gives parents
and children an opportunity to get into the kitchen, interact, and have fun
whipping up some treats.
In the end, die-hard SpongeBob fanatics won't hesitate in picking up this
disc, but casual viewers may contemplate waiting for the inevitable complete set
of season three's episodes. If history is any indication, realize that the
complete set for season three is probably months away (season one was released
on October 28, 2003; season two was released on October 19, 2004.) At around $12
retail, though, it's not a bad value—roughly a buck fifty per episode,
despite a couple of clunkers—and it'll satisfy SpongeBob nuts until the
inevitable release of season three.
The court knows this guy who knows this guy who knows this guy who knows
this guy who knows this guy's cousin who finds SpongeBob SquarePants:
Sponge for Hire not guilty. SpongeBob SquarePants is free to go and continue
his stranglehold on the wallets of citizens everywhere.
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