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Case Number 11853

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Star Knight

Echo Bridge Home Entertainment // 1985 // 91 Minutes // Rated PG-13
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // August 10th, 2007

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All Rise...

Judge David Johnson liked the sequel, Star Serf, better.

The Charge

One man's quest is another man's destiny.

Opening Statement

Harvey Keitel (U-571) stars in this bizarre amalgam of Medieval period piece and science fiction. Why don't you just fall on your sword right now?

Facts of the Case

Keitel is Klever, a wannabe knight serving the slightly bastard-like count. Klever is desperate to earn his knighthood but can't quite do anything worthwhile to get the nod. Meanwhile, the count's nubile young princess, Alba (Maria Lamor) is off gallivanting around the countryside when she is abducted by a spaceship.

On board the space vessel, Alba meets a mysterious mute spaceman named IX (Miguel Bose) whom she instantly falls in love with. Klever, though, is jealous and challenges the alien to a jousting match. The rest is history.

The Evidence

Star Knight, star bright, this movie sucks my nads. Really, beyond trying to wrap one's head around the question of why someone would green light this turd in the first place, what exactly prompted the release of it on DVD? Oh, yes, I forgot: these days everything is release on DVD.

So Echo Bridge dug up this surreal fossil and, perhaps thinking that Harvey Keitel's face would dupe a hapless consumer into adding this to their collection. The truth is, Keitel is probably the worst thing about this movie, and when you're dealing with a plot that involves a Eurotrash space man that talks in Casio synth-chords, that's a description you probably wouldn't want to be associated with. I like Keitel and all but let's face it, there are some roles that just don't fit his gruff, inner-city line delivery. Judas Iscariot is one such example. A Medieval knight is another. When Keitel gets into his knight shtick, the film quickly metamorphoses into comedy, which, to be fair, I think it means to be.

It has to be. There's no way this premise can be taken seriously. There are more than a few moments of levity throughout, though the core of the film is still romance. Then again, when you consider said romance involves the princess and a bleached blonde in a spacesuit, you're right back to comedy again.

On the surface, Star Knight sounds like it can be some grand bad-movie fun if viewed in the right (drunken) circumstances, but like most bad bad-movies, it suffers a fatal flaw: it's boring. To get to any of the weird stuff you'll have to endure lots and lots of talking, spoken in badly-dubbed faux-British accents. Even when the moon man lands on the scene, the action fails to pick up. Basically, you've got either Alba swooning over the handsome planet invader or Klever and his entourage traipsing through the inner sanctum of the spaceship, which by the way looks a whole lot like a whale's stomach.

You may be tempted by the cool title of the film and Harvey Keitel's presence, but resist the urge: despite a handful of ultra-weird moments, Star Knight offers very little in entertainment value.

The DVD is as basic is it gets: a softly transferred full frame picture, shallow 2.0 stereo sound and zero extras.

Closing Statement

Don't watch this movie unless you really want to watch Harvey Keitel do battle with an English accent and lose woefully.

The Verdict

This star went supernova a long time ago.

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Scales of Justice

Video: 70
Audio: 70
Extras: 0
Acting: 60
Story: 50
Judgment: 55

Perp Profile

Studio: Echo Bridge Home Entertainment
Video Formats:
• Full Frame
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)
Subtitles:
• None
Running Time: 91 Minutes
Release Year: 1985
MPAA Rating: Rated PG-13
Genres:
• Fantasy
• Science Fiction

Distinguishing Marks

• None

Accomplices

• IMDb








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