Steve-O, do you mind if I just call you Steve? I hope not, because I don't think I really care enough to make the effort to insert that hyphen and a capital letter "O" every time I have to use your name. I really, really don't care about you or your friends, because, in your own words, you are retarded.
I have never seen a more pathetic group of individuals in my life. That is going to irritate some of you out there, but I couldn't care less. For reasons I will explain later, any adulation given to these fellows seems completely undeserved. For the record, I have never seen an episode of Jackass; I have never seen Jackass: The Movie; nor have I had the fortune of seeing either Volume One or Volume Two of this inimitable collection. But, I am not so old and stodgy that I cannot appreciate what I have heard that these guys do. I love fart jokes. I love rude humor. I love people doing wild and crazy things.
But Steve-O Volume 3: Out on Bail doesn't contain anything even remotely funny.
Facts of the Case
Steve is the leader of a group of "adult" misfits who traverse the globe, riding on their wave of popularity generated from their antics on their television show, Jackass. These "adults"—a term I use in the sense that these guys are over the age of 18—put on shows highlighting their deranged sense of humor and antics. They seem to enjoy being foul, rude, and masochistic, and the crowd loves them for it.
This DVD documents a few months in the life of Steve and the boys as they travel around to 19 different countries doing the things that made them famous.
Actually, the problem with this disc is that they don't do any of the things that made them famous. As I understand the concept of Jackass, these guys would do insanely stupid stunts, putting themselves at risk of extreme harm, all in the name of mindless fun. I know of stunts where they jumped over moving cars, did nasty things with leeches, barbecued themselves, and so on. Their antics are historic at this point. That's the type of thing I can appreciate: monstrously stupid stunts. But there aren't any real stunts in Out on Bail. There are exactly two mildly interesting stunts in this movie, and they're both incredibly lame when compared to their oeuvre: jumping off London Bridge and some skateboarding antics involving a moving U-Haul truck. And that's it. There is nothing outrageous on this disc. Instead, it's filled with a menagerie of idiots doing stupid things.
What they do to fill up the remaining 90 minutes is pathetically immature and utterly moronic: they torture themselves, each other, friends, and bystanders; vandalize and/or destroy private property; humiliate others; take drugs; smuggle drugs; and are thoroughly foul by urinating, defecating, and vomiting at the drop of a hat.
That is not entertainment. Those are crude, vile, unnecessary actions taken by a group of young men who have no control over themselves. What they do is the greatest commercial for the use of contraception ever devised by man. Seeing what a lack of self-control combined with some popularity will do to you, you should not give these men one more second of fame.
Is it really funny to watch someone get a sleeper hold and pass out seven
times in a row?
I say no. It's bad enough that people enjoy seeing Steve and his guys slap each other, hit each other, and strangle each other. It's depressing to know that people enjoy seeing them mutilate their bodies by setting themselves on fire, stapling the testicles to their legs, and binging on Jack Daniels. But it's devastating to realize that thousands of young men and women around the globe will buy this disc and think it's the greatest thing ever. It's a sad statement on the world today that such infantile behavior is applauded and encouraged.
End of sermon.
The disc comes with a full-frame transfer that is composed from a variety of video sources, most of which look to be simple, hand-held digital video cameras. As such, for the most part, the video is merely adequate. You won't find any spectacular instances of bold colors or stunning details. Instead, you get the occasionally blurry and grainy shot mixed with a helping of artifacting. For the audio, it's perfectly sufficient for the dialogue-intensive disc. Unfortunately, you'll have no problem seeing or hearing the puerile antics of Steve and his buddies.
Even more unfortunate is that there are a handful of bonus features to further depress the viewer. "Cleverly" labeled as "Extra Poo," you get four additional "Hotel Trashings," three deleted scenes (which I cannot recall), a five-minute "Making of the Video" that isn't what you think it would be, and a four-minute look at "Ryan Simonetti" doing some skateboarding tricks.
But, wait, there's still more! There's a second disc included here called "PCP Saved My Life." This 33-minute episode details five days in the life of Steve when he was tripping on PCP. Now you have the opportunity to see someone completely succumb to drugs, see him have no ability to control himself, and see if he might learn a lesson. That seems to be Steve's goal, as evidenced by the title. He swears that he'll never do PCP again…unless the disc sells a million copies, when he'd be more than happy to do it all on tape again.
The Rebuttal Witnesses
There is absolutely nothing redeeming on this disc. It is the most egregious example of imbecilic behavior I have ever witnessed.
If this video truly had been an evolution of what I know about Jackass, and it was filled with zany and crazy stunts, then that would have been acceptable and probably fun. It would have been more stupid behavior, but it would not have been as reprehensible as the actions displayed on this video. The mitigating factor to all this is that people will buy this video and be swayed by the things they see within. They may be tempted to degrade themselves and their friends or even end up dabbling with drugs all because Steve did it. For some reason, Steve has developed quite the following, and, as evidenced by one of their shows on the disc, he draws in very young children as well. His actions have the power to corrupt. I am not saying it will happen, but it is possible. Perhaps I'm sounding a bit too Jack Valenti today, but I cannot begin to express how immeasurably disgusted I am by what I watched on this disc. If you haven't guessed it, I cannot emphasize enough that you should not rent or buy this disc, no matter what else you may hear. It is a putrid example of how ignorant some individuals can be when they do not exhibit one ounce of self-control and good judgment.
I hereby find Steve-O, his friends, and this DVD guilty on charges of destruction of private property, assault, battery, drug possession, drug smuggling, indecent exposure, and corruption of a minor. All parties are immediately remanded to prison to serve out a life sentence, where they are forbidden from ever making another video again.
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