All Rise...

This was the first movie Judge Mitchell Hattaway watched in 2006. Hopefully, it goes uphill from here.

The Charge

Beats of love…beats everything.

The Case

Steve (Titus De Voodgt) is a small-time thief and Ecstasy dealer. Sky (Delfine Bafort) is a statuesque blonde who is working as a prostitute in order to pay off her junkie boyfriend's legal bills. Steve and Sky meet in a bowling alley. They fall in love. They wander aimlessly around Antwerp. They have sex. Steve helps his disabled friend Jean-Claude (Johan Heldenbergh) open the world's skankiest nudie bar. Sky helps Jean-Claude's teenage daughter get laid. Steve and Sky fight. They make up. The end.

Steve + Sky is a boring, pretentious waste of time. Much like its central characters, the movie is slow and aimless. I guess there is a moral to the story, but I am unclear as to what it is. Was I supposed to walk away thinking that life can be cruel? Gee, that's deep. (Never mind that both Steve and Sky have chosen their own fates.) Was I supposed to realize that there really is someone for everyone, regardless of how screwed up a person is? Wow, never heard that one before. (Of course Steve and Sky belong together; no one else will have them. Hell, Sky's boyfriend assaults her when he finds out she's hooking. Yeah, the guy is a junkie, but he's a junkie with principles.) Is the film a warning that hiring damned ugly women to work in your nudie bar will result in such a staggering loss of income that repo men will show up and haul away your possessions? (You should see the club Jean-Claude runs; it's staffed by the best crack whores and meth addicts money can buy.) Honestly, though, I don't know what the point of this movie is and I don't really care to know. I'm just glad it's over.

The transfer on this disc is as ugly and unappealing as the women in Jean-Claude's club. I think this is quite possibly the worst video quality I have ever seen on a DVD; it looks a tenth generation VHS dupe of an old '70s porn flick. Colors either bleed like mad or are washed-out, and the amount of grain in the picture is staggering. The audio fares slightly better, but not much. The track is hollow, flat, and tinny. It is purportedly a stereo mix, but in reality it is a two-channel mono track; there is no channel separation whatsoever (not even in the music). The packaging indicates that the film's theatrical trailer has been included as a bonus feature, but there are absolutely zero extras on this release.

Steve + Sky was the first movie I watched in 2006. There's a very good chance it will be the worst movie I watch in 2006.

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