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Case Number 12941

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Storm Warning

Dimension Films // 2007 // 84 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // February 8th, 2008

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All Rise...

Here's a tip from Judge David Johnson: If you're lost in the woods and run across a house where psychotic hillbillies live, just leave. Okay? Just go. This is coming from experience people.

Editor's Note

Our reviews of Ronald Reagan Centennial Collection (published March 3rd, 2011) and Ronald Reagan: The Signature Collection (published October 17th, 2006) are also available.

The Charge

Stay away from Australian rednecks. Just trust me.

Opening Statement

From the director of Urban Legend comes a bat-@#$% insane tale of a stranded couple lost in the woods that meet a family of crazies who are just begging to get murdered in ridiculous ways.

Facts of the Case

Yuppie Rob (Robert Taylor) and his spunky French wife Pia (Nadia Fares) go fishing one day and get themselves nice and lost just in time for a major thunderstorm. They make their way to a mysterious island and eventually stumble upon a ramshackle farmhouse. While looking for a phone they immediately realize that the owners of the filthy, porn-strewn house are likely not citizens of the year. Before they can vacate the premises, Poppy and his two wacky sons show up and promptly turn up the psycho meter.

Rob and Pia are soon smacked around and tossed into a farmhouse, their lives hanging in the balance while dad and his boys figure out the best way to debauch and eventually kill them. But things are cooking in the farmhouse that may alter those plans and could possibly lead to pieces of their torsos lying on the grass.

The Evidence

Here's a horror flick that I will easily recommend to genre aficionados. Storm Warning is a nasty bit of bloodshed and profanity; ludicrous in concept and story, but a vicious little bastard of splatter entertainment.

Let's start with the weak stuff first. The plot points are as inane as any you'd find in a mainstream horror movie, executed by characters that are as stupid as you'd expect. Rob and Pia are stupid. They've got zest when it counts and aren't afraid to get their hands dirty when it's killing time, but they end up in their unsavory situations to begin with because of the dumb-ass choices people that have never seen horror movies make. Like, say, when you wander into a strange, dumpy farmhouse littered with violent pornography and empty whiskey bottles it's probably not a good idea to hang around. Sure enough, that's what they do, even after discovering an illicit marijuana farm.

So they're caught and punched in the face and spit on and threatened and death is imminent and that's when the fun kicks in. The first hour of the film is all build-up and it's done well. Director Jamie Blanks knows how to generate tension and he puts his psychotic characters to good use, milking their twisted personalities and demented acts until they're just asking for some violence to be perpetrated against them. And once the suspense peaks is when the meat of the horror goes down.

And we are talking meat. When the gore happens, it happens with style. Really, you have to see some of the crazy-ass violence that transpires. None of it is even remotely possible in the real world, of course, defying all the laws of physics and common sense, but it doesn't matter: at this point you'll be so pumped to see the victims get their comeuppance you'll be more than happy to forgive the outrageous consistencies. And remember, this is from the guy who brought us Urban Legend another gorefest riddled with deaths that make no logical sense. All the death scenes are inventive and over-the-top and will surely satiate most gore freaks. Seriously, this is some wild, wacky stuff.

Then the movie ends. And I was impressed and entertained, as thoroughly ridiculous as the experience was. So check it out if you're in the mood for some obscene slaying and blood-soaked schaudenfreude.

The technical aspects are top-notch. Transferred in a clean 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen, Storm Warning, as dark as the setting is, consistently boasts excellent picture quality. The 5.1 audio mix is loud and immersing. A lively commentary from the filmmakers is the only extra.

Closing Statement

Gory, mean, and a lot of fun, Storm Warning should appeal to anyone craving an obnoxious serving of red-stained Aussie mayhem.

The Verdict

Not guilty.

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Scales of Justice

Video: 90
Audio: 90
Extras: 80
Acting: 85
Story: 85
Judgment: 86

Perp Profile

Studio: Dimension Films
Video Formats:
• 1.85:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
• English
• Spanish
Running Time: 84 Minutes
Release Year: 2007
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
• Horror
• Thriller

Distinguishing Marks

• Commentary


• IMDb

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