All Rise...

Judge David Johnson lives the stunt rock lifestyle—and it's better than you can possibly imagine, loser.

The Charge

Death wish at 120 decibels.

The Case

From Brian Trenchard-Smith—who, by the way, seems to like stunts and rock a whole lot—comes a movie featuring the most stunts and rock I have ever seen.

After tearing it up down under, Aussie stuntman Grant Page takes his mojo stateside, where he connects with his cousin, a sweet-coiffured dude who's part of the bitchin' rock band Sorcery. These guys know how to put on a show, lacing their stage-centered metal with guys dressed as wizards lighting off pyrotechnics and getting into sword/guitar fights. Needless to say, the crowd loves it. In between these epic concerts, Grant does a lot of stunts like rappelling off of buildings and flying out of car windshields while on fire. Then it's more rock and more stunts and more rock and more stunts and so on and so forth.

I don't think you can plausibly label Stun Rock a movie. It's got the absolute lightest of plots: a guy from Australia hangs out with a band. Really, that's it.

And yet—Stunt Rock is awesome.

Do you doubt my insight? Well, what would you call a full, two-song set of epic hair metal by a band called Sorcery featuring an on-stage duel between Satan and Merlin? Yeah, that's right.

Actually, it's even awesomer, because that two-song set immediately follows another entire Sorcery song, giving you three full-length songs in a row—and that's not even all of the Sorcery songs you can expect in the film.

What say we kick the awesome level up another notch? As if all those face-melting Sorcery songs weren't enough, Grant motherf-ing Page does a whole bunch of unconnected stunts, half of which are simply to impress a female reporter doing a feature on him. Though she doesn't need much impressing, thanks to Grant's epic facial hair and sunglasses, which, as we all know—and by "we" I mean "all the inhabitants of Earth who bow before the might of Grant Page"—is irresistible to anyone possessing two X chromosomes.

Do you need to know anything else about Stunt Rock? No you don't. There are stunts, there is rock, and there is nothing else.

KNEEL!!!!!

Okay, there is a little else, like a new 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer, two commentaries with Trenchard-Smith and the stars, interviews, an introduction by Trenchard-Smith and Sorcery guitarist Smokey Huffs, and a bonus DVD featuring Trenchard-Smith's Stuntman documentary, a Q&A at the Alamo Drafthouse, and the Cannes promo reel,

The Verdict

Not Guilty. You are not man enough for all the stunts and rock.

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