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Case Number 19182: Small Claims Court

Buy SuicideGirls Must Die! at Amazon

SuicideGirls Must Die!

First Look Pictures // 2010 // 96 Minutes // Unrated
Reviewed by Judge Gordon Sullivan // June 29th, 2010

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All Rise...

Judge Gordon Sullivan always takes a script, when he heads into the Maine woods with calendar models.

The Charge

No actors. No Script. No Escape.

The Case

The SuicideGirls phenomenon started early in the twenty-first century, combining punk and pinup styles on a adult-oriented website. However, SuicideGirls is more than just a place where customers can pay to see numerous women (most of them tattooed and pierced) in various states of undress. No, SuicideGirls purports to be a lifestyle, one about expressing sexuality and being free from the cookie-cutter standards of mainstream beauty. Since its inception, the website has blossomed into a media empire, with books and DVDs to the company's credit. After releasing a tour documentary and a SuicideGirls guide-to-life, the company is now trying their hand at combining the reality and horror genres to give fans SuicideGirls Must Die!. Like their first two films, this one is really just an excuse to get the girls into various states of undress. Fans of the site will almost certainly find something to love, but the average horror fan will likely be bored to tears.

Twelve suicide girls go out into the wilds of Maine to shoot a calendar. Because this is the twenty-first century, they all bring video cameras to document the shoot. When they start disappearing one by one, the cameras capture the fear among the other girls and this becomes the "World's first reality horror movie!"

I honestly can't decide if this is the most brilliant or the most stupid way to market a film. Usually, film companies try to blunt criticism of marginal films by not giving them names that suggest easy jokes. Really, calling the film SuicideGirls Must Die! just makes cheap shots inevitable. However, this might be brilliance on their part: take the sting out the criticism by putting it right out there. This is not a great film (as either reality or as horror) and the title tells prospective viewers that from the get-go. Similarly, the tagline for the film includes the phrase, "No actors. No script." Whether that's true or not is irrelevant—the film gives the distinct impression that we're watching amateurs wander around with the occasional "disappearance." It's hard to knock them for that though when they put it right on the front of the box.

With SuicideGirls we get yet another in a long line of scared young women wandering in the woods. The only thing that distinguishes SuicideGirls Must Die! is the type of girl we see and the sheer amount of nudity. These are not your typical, girl-next-door beauties who typically get lost in the woods; nor are they the ditzy socialite stereotype. These girls are hardcore, tattooed punk-looking ladies, the basic SuicideGirls staple. Also, because they're there to shoot a SuicideGirls calendar (and to document the event behind the scenes by placing lipstick cameras everywhere), there are numerous opportunities for the girls to get naked. There are the regular shoots (which, of course, feature copious nudity) and a hot-tub encounter. General nudity runs pretty rampant on the lipstick cams. That's really the main attraction here, and the whole horror angle is really an excuse to put cameras everywhere to capture more naked flesh. Fans of the SuicideGirls aesthetic will find much to love here.

SuicideGirls Must Die! has been brought to DVD in a decent package that looks and sounds good, even if it lacks copious extras. The video appears to have been shot on consumer-level video (with the occasional lipstick-cam footage inserted), and I didn't notice any serious compression problems. That means that the presentation looks okay, with a decent amount of detail and pretty strong colors, but it's not going to blow anyone away. Similarly, the sound wasn't capture with the highest fidelity, but dialogue is always audible and well balanced with the music. Extras include a "confession" from Rigel that continues the "reality" vein of the film, the film's trailer, and a photo gallery of some of the girls featured in the film.

There isn't really a whole lot to say about SuicideGirls Must Die!. As a horror film it utterly fails to generate anything like thrills or chills. However, it does contain copious amounts of nude flesh that's been tattooed and pierced in various ways. Fans of the SuicideGirls will certainly want to pick this one up for all the ladies featured. Horror fans looking for a diversion (and lots of naked girls) will probably find something to enjoy in the feature, but anyone looking for a straight-up horror tale will likely be completely disappointed. The DVD looks and sounds fine, but fans of the site will probably be disappointed by the lack of genuine extras.

The Verdict

SuicideGirls Must Die! isn't for everyone, but for fans of the site, it's not guilty.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 65

Perp Profile

Studio: First Look Pictures
Video Formats:
• 1.78:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
Subtitles:
• English
• Spanish
Running Time: 96 Minutes
Release Year: 2010
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Genres:
• Erotic
• Horror
• Independent

Distinguishing Marks

• Bonus Scene
• Photo Gallery
• Trailer

Accomplices

• IMDb








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