Judge David Johnson can now add Mario Manningham to the recurring David Tyree nightmare.
"Salt. Meet wound."—Judge Erich Asperschlager
To aid in the creation of this review, DVD Verdict picked a random patron from a bar in Dorchester, Massachusetts named Kurt and challenged him to a friendly contest. If he could beat a pack mule in a beer drinking contest, he would receive a pair of Bruins tickets. If he lost, he would be forced to relive the horror of SuperBowl XLVI by watching the Giants championship DVD (in a slightly inebriated state.) What follows is the transcription of Kurt's oral review.
"Aw man, I can't believe I have to watch this #$%&! Can't I just get kicked in da nuts by that mule instead?" (mule trainer shakes his head) "Aw geez, okay…put tha stupid DVD in the playah and let's get this over wit."
"Aw geez, there's Manning. I can't stand looking at pukey face. I hate Eli more than his brotha. I didn't think I could ever hate anyone more than Peyton, but Manning can just blow me."
"Aw geez, Victah Cruz! A UMASS boy, too, and he just lit up everyone! Where did he come from? Why couldn't Belichick take a chance on him? Nah, cuz he was too busy signing Chad Ochochinc, Chad Ochoocin, (unintelligible), aw #$%& it."
"I remember this…when they lost all those games and everyone thought they wouldn't make the playoffs. My stupid friends were joking about it, but I swear ta Gawd I told them Remember what happened in 2007?!'"
"Ha, the Jets game! That was sweet. Seeing Cruz hit that play and Rex Ryan that fat f—--—-- m—--—c—--—-- f—--—--—s—--—f—--—-- all pissed. That was wicked! Now I wish Can't-chez beat those guys because maybe we wouldn't have had to play them again in the SupahBowl."
"That Packahs game was sweet, too. Loved seeing Rodgahs and them guys get crunched."
"The stupid Ninahs! If that dude didn't cough that ball, San Fran could have won and we definitely would have beat their @#$%^& in the SupahBowl. But no, dude's got hands like my sistah!"
"Aw geez, I don't really have to watch the SupahBowl, do I?! Please!!!! Come on mule, kick me in the balls! Kick me and get it over with!"
"Aw geez, Tommy's safety! What were you thinking dude? And the intahception? Why would you throw to Gronk? Dude's on one leg! Manningham! No! Aw geez, I can't look—aw Gronk man you almost had it!"
"Turn it off! I can't watch this parade. Thanks, wait, what are you doing?! I don't want to watch any extra feat-ahs!" Media day, post-game ceremonies…Make it stop! A recap of the 2007 game! Nooooo! David Tyree! Auuugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"
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