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Case Number 26470: Small Claims Court

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Super Task Force One (Blu-ray)

Central Keystone Productions // 2013 // 69 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // October 25th, 2013

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• Buy the Blu-ray at Moonfruit.com

 

All Rise...

Judge David Johnson has a task for you. Never speak of this movie again.

The Charge

Life is just too short.

The Case

Someone found an old Power Ranger costume and decided to make a movie and I had to watch it and write about it and you don't have to read it if you don't want to and, honestly, I couldn't really blame you because the crowd-funded Super Task Force One is about as enjoyable experience as accidentally hot-gluing your tongue to a South Station urinal cake thanks to an incoherent plot about some doofus that is given a super suit and charged with defeating Emperor Zagel and saving the world and the brutally amateurish staging, plotting, writing, acting, special effects and general camera work, which ensures that if you had any fleeting interest in the story and/or are related by blood to one of the individuals involved in the production, all good will you had brought with you to the proceedings will have been promptly and ruthlessly snuffed out by the mind-numbing experience of watching some hapless, potentially over-medicated actor attempt to inject his own brand of comic timing into the narrative, which comes across as a whole lot of screaming and eye-bugging and facial contortions and that stuff might have been a big hit with your friends at the local fish fry but pressed onto an optical disc (a Blu-ray optical disc no less!) with the intent of a mass audience (fine, maybe not "mass") viewing it represents a tragic misinterpretation of the inebriated guffawing from the three truckers that sat in the booth and, in real-world practice, with standard-issue blood-alcohol levels, this film, in all of its home-grown ineptitude offers zero entertainment value, even the "inadvertent" type, where a bad movie is so bad that humor can be had at its expense, because there is nothing inadvertent about the pain that is being applied by everyone involved with the creation of Super Task Force One to you, and whoever you somehow connived to sit next to you while this movie rolled and I promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise, promise you that whatever else you might have had lined up for the evening's festivities, be it house work or a yoga class or an emergency dental appointment or an interrogation at a CIA black site, go with that.

The Verdict

I hate you all.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 30

Perp Profile

Studio: Central Keystone Productions
Video Formats:
• 1.78:1 Non-Anamorphic (1080p)
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
Subtitles:
• None
Running Time: 69 Minutes
Release Year: 2013
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Genres:
• Action
• Bad
• Independent
• Martial Arts
• Science Fiction

Distinguishing Marks

• Commentary
• Featurette

Accomplices

• IMDb
• Official Site
• View the Trailer








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