All Rise...

Judge Roman Martel avoids swinging from vines while wearing a loincloth. It's a little too "refreshing."

The Charge

What can you learn from Tarzan and his adventures? Well read on and find out!

The Case

Warner Bros. has released its Tarzan catalogue once already. So it really becomes a question of, do I need to replace my existing versions? Or if I don't have any of the movies, is this the set to buy?

Here's the breakdown. In this set you get four movies: Tarzan the Ape Man, Tarzan and his Mate, Tarzan Escapes, and Tarzan Finds a Son. They all come on flipper discs, with one movie on each side. There aren't any extras. Essentially this looks like the first two discs from the first volume of The Tarzan Collection Starring Johnny Weissmuller that Warner released back in 2004. So, if you already own that set, there's no need to pick this one up.

But it's a good buy for those who are looking to own these specific Tarzan films. If you are new to the franchise, but were always curious about it, you get the two best films right here: Tarzan the Ape Man and Tarzan and his Mate. You can consider the other two films as icing on the jungle cake. This set retails for less than half the price of the larger set, and if extras don't make a difference, this is the way to go.

The Ape Man and His Mate are the worst as far as visuals and audio. The audio is clear, but very quiet. The images look decent; you can see some age damage here and there, but its not too distracting. The two newer films look and sound better.

Judge Mancini did a very thorough review of the series in his coverage. I found that I agreed with a lot of his comments. So rather than rehash them, I'll take a different angle. I've never seen the Tarzan movies before, so I learned quite a lot from them. Here are my top five lessons for each film:

Tarzan the Ape Man teaches us…

1. The only reason you bring a large group of people on safari with you is so they can be killed by hostile tribes, fall from dangerous heights, and get sacrificed to a giant pissed off ape.

2. Being an Olympic swimmer and wearing only a loincloth will get you chicks.

3. It's acceptable to name an animal with the name of another animal. My cat is now named Naked Mole Rat.

4. Little people in blackface wielding spears are not called pigmies. They are called dwarves. Gimli and Doc should sue.

5. The best way to end a jungle movie is to have as many animals and people making as much noise as possible. If your chimp can shriek for five minutes straight—you win!

Tarzan and his Mate teaches us…

1. Going swimming with Jane is a good good thing!

2. If you are a man in an ape suit and you are being charged by a rear-projection rhino—you will do a backflip to your death.

3. Many animals were harmed in the making of this film.

4. Women may love fancy dresses and perfume, but they love yodeling loincloth wearing swimmers even more.

5. The ultimate jungle party consists of the following: Tarzan swinging on vines, elephants trampling everyone, angry tribesman, swarming lions and a couple of trapped hunters with guns. It also makes a fitting climax to your safari movie.

Tarzan Escapes teaches us…

1. There is nothing a bit of footage from your previous films can't fix. So why not make 68% of the movie with re-used footage?

2. After a couple of years living in the jungle you too can build your own Ewok Village 2000—complete with elephant powered elevator.

3. You can call your film Tarzan Escapes if you have a sequence that stretches on for five years showing Tarzan escaping from a cage.

4. Iguanas with some crepe paper attached to them are deadly venomous creatures.

5. There are a lot of oak trees in the middle of darkest Africa.

Tarzan Finds a Son teaches us…

1. Never say "I hope we never get there" while in a plane, because you're doomed to crash.

2. Rear projection rhinos seem to be the bane of the Tarzan family. Maybe if they all stopped yodeling, the rear projection wouldn't turn on.

3. Never be a cad in a Tarzan movie. You end up dying a horrible death.

4. Roughhousing in the pool is all fun and games until someone falls off a waterfall.

5. Shelob from Return of the King was hanging out in the jungle with Tarzan's family, and Boy plays Frodo in the web with her grandkids!

The Verdict

Guilty of bringing the spirit of safari adventure into my home. I can't complain about that.

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