All Rise...

Judge David Johnson came this close to being named "Laa-Laa."

The Charge

Fantastic Friends and Springtime Surprises

The Case

Dispatch Sent: 005-43-1234-98
Commander Lucas Von Ark-Stangion
Brigadier Colonel A: Imperial Navy
Officer Number 1358349543523489

To Admiral Gantry

I have located the planet you had contacted me about, Alpha-354X. It is far outside the Frogon system, at least 260 kliks beyond the Xabar Quadrant. Your probe droids were correct in the data they had transmitted to you: the planet does indeed support life. What manner of life, I assure you, you will have no idea.

The creatures that inhabit this planet are unlike any I have ever seen—or heard of. The planet is large, but there is only once section of habitable space, a small, two-acre square quadrant of fertile land, lush with green grass and blue sky. Surrounding this parcel is nothing but scorched wasteland. I don't know what happened here, or why this small section has survived but is something the Imperial researchers will certainly want to investigate.

There are only four sentient creatures that live on this planet. The only other life forms are several rabbits and some talking flowers. I don't know how the flowers communicate with one another, but a quick sensory analysis reveals that their pistils have been adapted into rudimentary voice-boxes. Interesting enough, the creatures, much more advanced—biologically speaking—organisms, listen to the flowers and heed their instructions.

As I said, there are only four creatures, their gender indeterminate (no reproductive organs were noted). They have close-cropped, uniquely-colored fur (red, yellow, green, and purple), pronounced ears, large eyes, strange, organic outcroppings growing from their heads and what appear to be vid-screens embedded in their stomachs. They have limited language usage, but do refer to each other by name: Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa, and Po. Their home appears to be a hovel in the middle of the parcel, and readings indicate that there is significant technology housed within.

Back to these cybernetic belly-implanted vid-screens. Occasionally, they appear to act as conduits to other planets, zeroing in on the goings-on of children and their day to day activities. From our brief observation, the creatures were able to contact different races of children, from different locations, with the interest appearing to be learning about the children's respective cultures.

When they're not communicating with children, they spend the day walking, napping, flying kites, and bouncing balls. This is the routine they follow each day, until sundown, when they play an odd hide-and-seek game and finally take turns jumping into a hole that presumably leads to their headquarters. Their actions are dictated both by the talking flowers and a pinwheel that rises from the earth every so often. The creatures are obviously susceptible to the windmill's directions as they stop whatever they are doing when it reveals itself. Most strange. The last item that needs to be noted is the sun that his planet orbits. It is, apparently, a round, fiery baby face. No further information is available at this point.

What actions shall I take with these creatures, Admiral? They appear to be harmless. I await further instructions.

Respectfully submitted,

Commander Lucas Von Ark-Stangion

--—--—--—--—--—--—--—--—--—--—--—--—--—--—-

Dispatch Sent: 005-43-1234-98
Admiral Maurice Gantry
Rear Admiral: Imperial Navy
Officer Number 578372373578

Commander Ark-Stangion:

Exterminate them.

End transmission.

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