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Case Number 12826

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The Ten

City Lights Media // 2007 // 96 Minutes // Rated R
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // January 25th, 2008

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All Rise...

Judge David Johnson bears false witness more times than he's comfortable admitting.

The Charge

If He'd meant the commandments literally, He'd have written them in stone.

Opening Statement

The fine folks from MTV's The State and Wet Hot American Summer reconvene for a ridiculous/surreal/offensive/hilarious series of vignettes.

Facts of the Case

The host for The Ten is Jeff (Paul Rudd, Knocked Up), a hapless husband torn between his wife (Famke Janssen) and his young nubile girlfriend (Jessica Alba). Even more disconcerting are the two giant stone tablets sitting in the middle of his house.

On the upside, these tablets are none other than the Ten Commandments, and this allows Jeff the opportunity to tell us 10 different stories, each related to a commandment. Are you ready for some head-scratchingly bizarre Old Testament-inspired sketch comedy?

The Evidence

Here's the game-plan: I'll spell out the type of humor you can expect from this film, citing specific gags and scenarios, and all you the reader has to do is answer the question "Do I think that's funny?" If you answer "yes" give yourself one point. If you answer "no" give yourself no points. If you answer "I don't understand a word of what was just written here," got take a breather and make yourself a cup of Ovaltine or something.

Ready? Okay, let's do this:

1. A guy skydives without a parachute and ends up stuck in the ground, unable to move or he dies. Subsequently, he gains immense fame, gets caught cheating on his girlfriend, lands a lucrative sitcom deal and holds a negative influence on impressionable teens who want to jump out of planes without parachutes.

Do you think this is funny?

2. A conservative librarian (Grethcen Mol) goes to Mexico and has a passionate love affair with Jesus Christ and yes it is as offensive and blasphemous as it sounds.

Do you think this is funny?

3. A surgeon leaves a pair of scissors in a prisoner "as a goof," and is charged with murder.

Do you think this is funny?

4. Two African American brothers learn from their mother that their father is Arnold Schwarzenegger and in an effort to reconnect her sons to her father, mom hires an Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonator (Oliver Platt).

Do you think this is funny?

5. Two neighbors (Joe Lo Truglio and Liev Schreiber) continually try to outdo each other, which leads to a contest over who can buy the most CAT Scan machines.

Do you think this is funny?

6. The murderous surgeon is in prison and finds himself smitten with an inmate who promises him a new experience in rape, forcing him to make a painful confession to his cell mate and yes this is as tasteless as it sounds.

Do you think this is funny?

7. A newlywed (Winona Ryder) becomes infatuated with a ventriloquist's dummy and engages in an illicit, passionate affair, that tears apart her marriage and the relationship between the ventriloquist and his dummy.

Do you think this is funny?

8. An animated rhino tries to stop a group of cartoon characters from infecting a city with STDs.

Do you think this is funny?

9. Jeff reunites with his ex-wife and decides to dump his current wife, Dianne Wiest, for her.

Do you think this is funny?

10. A man fails to honor the Sabbath when he starts a Sunday morning social club for men to hang out naked.

Do you think this is funny?

Tally your score.

If you scored 10 points then go see this movie immediately and laugh heartily.

If you scored 7-8 points, put this in you online rental queue and laugh aloud a few times.

If you score 5-6 points pick this up when you're home with an aggressive stomach bug and watch it in between dry heaves.

If you scored 3-4 points, there will be little you might like about this movie, but what else do you have going on in your life, loser?

If you scored 1-2 points ignore this movie and stick with the next High School Musical sequel.

If you score 0 points go back to your Jane Austen book and leave me the @#$% alone.

The Ten looks and sounds great. Transferred in a 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen, the picture quality is clean and sharp. The DTS and Dolby Digital 5.1 tracks push a strong sound. A nice selection of extras: Director David Wain, Paul Rudd, Ken Marion and Wain's parents (?) deliver a funny commentary, nearly an hour's worth of deleted scenes, bloopers and alternate takes are amusing and the making-of featurette and episode of "Wainy Days" are short, but cool. A nice package overall.

Closing Statement

I'm a huge fan of The State and Wet Hot American Summer and The Ten boasts the same kind of bizarre humor. The CAT Scan and puppet stories might be two of the funniest things I've seen in a long time.

The Verdict

Thou shalt not be guilty.

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Scales of Justice

Video: 90
Audio: 90
Extras: 85
Acting: 85
Story: 90
Judgment: 90

Perp Profile

Studio: City Lights Media
Video Formats:
• 1.85:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• DTS 5.1 Surround (English)
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
Subtitles:
• None
Running Time: 96 Minutes
Release Year: 2007
MPAA Rating: Rated R
Genre:
• Comedy

Distinguishing Marks

• Commentary
• Deleted Scenes
• Making-of Featurette
• "Wainy Days" Episode
• Ringtones and Wallpaper

Accomplices

• IMDb
• Official Site








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