Chief Counsel Michael Stailey was the original Carpeted Man, but left the crime fighting profession when he developed a severe allergy to Berber.
It's starting to smell a little like danger in here, or heavily fried food.
Destiny's powerful hand has made the bed of my future, and it's up to me to lie in it. I am destined to be a superhero. To right wrongs, and to pound two-fisted justice into the hearts of evildoers everywhere. And you don't fight destiny. No sir. And, you don't eat crackers in the bed of your future, or you get all…scratchy.
Facts of the Case
I am The Tick and it is my duty, nay, my birthright to protect the citizens of not only The City but also The World from the nasty, inconsiderate, and downright rudeness of evil. With the help of my sidekick/roommate/former accountant Arthur, we patrol the streets for the insidiousness of injustice…and we know where you hide!
Oh, sweet animated goodness! What an honor it is to have a visage of yourself plastered across the millions of television and computer screens of this fair land…its purple mountains majesty, its amber waves of grain, its oceans white with foam…speaking of foam, I almost forgot…Arthur? We're out of root beer.
Where was I? Ah, yes. My animated adventures. Leaping forward from my hand drawn escapades by life-long biographer, chronicler, and friend—the gifted Ben Edlund (Angel, Firefly)—my tales of action and excitement have been brought to an even larger audience courtesy of these shiny metallic discs known as DVDs. Magnificent little creatures! Look, if you turn them over you can actually see your face…oooh…Neat!
Included in this first release—The Tick vs. Season One—are 13 thrilling episodes of Arthur and I spanking the nasty pants of our nemeses…nemesigh?…nemesises…Can someone hand me a dictionary please? Anyways, these 13 tales of…what? There are only 12? No, I was there…and there were 13…I remember vividly because I only had to take off one of my boots to help count them all. Let's see…
Our run in with The Idea Men and that cool blimp of theirs. Of course, they kept blowing everything up, which wasn't very nice at all. Actually, that was my first day on the job as champion of The City and the day I first met Arthur. Ah, sweet memories…
Next was the time Arthur and I joined forces with American Maid to disguise ourselves as caterers and invade Chairface Chippendale's birthday party, foiling the plan to engrave his name on the moon…the remnants of which are still visible…but we did put more than a few splinters in that two-legged chin…Arthur? Remember those crab puffs? Heavenly…I wonder if leggy liberty will make those for my birthday party? Yes, time constraints, I know…
After that was the unfortunate mutation of Arthur's future brother-in-law Dinosaur Neil. An important lesson was learned that day—never eat pasta salad in your lab using the same style Petri dish as your experiments. Eww…
The next week we were tricked into attending a free show by noted mentalist Mr. Mental who proceeded to entrap my powerful intellect for his own selfish purposes. That wasn't very nice, either.
That was closely followed by floral fisticuffs with…the Breadmaster? Are you sure? I'm pretty sure that road trip outside The City came before…okay…I believe you my winged friend. Arthur reminds me we first tangled with the disgruntled culinary cunning of The Breadmaster. Can you imagine a soufflé that would devour the entire city? I stayed away from starches for weeks after that tussle. In fact, Arthur still gets a twitch every time we pass a bakery. What? It's true, my portly partner. You do.
In any case, the following week we found ourselves beyond the boundaries of The City to foil the green-invasion plans of El Seed and his Bee Twins. Now there was one unhappy piece of foliage.
Earning a well-deserved rest, Arthur and I spent a night out on the town with Die Fledermaus and Sewer Urchin. In fact, we borrowed Dot's car and went to this neat little superhero nightclub…yes, I know they were unfair to you Arthur. I had no idea they would discriminate against sidekicks. But it was you who saved us all from annihilation, my friend. While I was grappling with a misguided youth who also referred to himself as The Tick, Arthur was disarming that bouncy, little, novice do-badder, The Evil Bomber What Bombs at Midnight. First rule of villainy—choose a name that people can remember easily.
We're running up against time again? Drat…Okay, I'll speed things along with the Tick Notes version of the rest of over escapades…Get it? Tick Notes, instead of Cliffs Notes…right, time…
Over the next several weeks I wound up with a nasty head cold, which was exploited by a smelly, secretionist, transdimensional yucky known as Thrakkorzog, and was forced to battle a mucus-clone of myself. Eww, again…Then came our visit to Charles and his family. That little tike was a bit too smart for his own good and used that power for evil instead of goodness. Imagine bringing the moon that close to the Earth—then again, we could have taken advantage of the opportunity and used some spackle to fill in Chairface's greedy graffiti. Perhaps, next time. The week after that we got to play secret agent for the federal government…Wow! Was that fun!!! We had secret wristwatch communicators, secret code names, great food (although a bit too much with the pineapple), a chance to surf, and everything! Shortly after that the City had visiting dignitaries from the Mole kingdom—you know, for foreign tourists, they certainly weren't very accepting of our culture and customs. If you're going to travel, like Arthur and I often do, one must prepare for the trip by learning as much as you can about the land you're visiting and try your best to assimilate into the…right, time constraints…Then came Arthur and the gang's run in with the Proto-Clown. I don't like clowns, Arthur. They're very disturbing, especially when pounding one's face into the cement. But it did give me a chance to explore my inner self. Quiet meditative and reflective retreats can be so refreshing for a superhero. Oh and we wrapped the whole season up with a lesson in high finance and the evils of credit card overages. Sorry about that, chum. Never fear, we'll have your credit rating back in positive territory any day now.
While both Arthur and I are very appreciative of our friend Ben Edlund and his continuing attempts to bring our many adventures to you, sometimes the people involved don't always devote the care and attention to the details. For example, while I mean no offense to the good people of South Korea, the animators at Akom Productions had a little trouble with conveying the accurate size and shape of my head for the first season. It started out with a life-like rendering, wouldn't you say Arthur, but by the final few episodes it was completely out of whack. My height and weight also changed quite a bit throughout. I checked with my doctor and he says there is no sign of any problems, so it must have just been a translation issue. There's also an annoying problem with the first few seconds of my theme music being left out of all but one of the opening title sequences. Remember the part with the alarm clock going off and waking me up? Good times…That's the part that's missing. Weird, huh? Not that I'm upset. I just want our loyal fans to receive the most honest and truthful representation of good versus evil, because honesty is at the heart of respectable crime-fighting and the need to…Wrap it up? Are you sure?
We don't want to forget to tell these good people that the episodes are shown in full-frame format, meaning you won't see any of those distracting little black bars on the top and bottom of the screen. For the longest time I thought it was Arthur's television set, but when I broke the last one, I found the same thing happening on the new one, but you won't see those here. Oh and my resounding voice can also be found in full Dolby 2.0 surround sound, although Arthur is too cheap to spring for the surround speakers…yes, I know I caused you a certain amount of financial distress, but how can you expect to enjoy the majesty of Lord of the Rings with only two speakers, chum?
I'm getting the big wave and frowning face of our publicist, which means we've run out of time. But before we go, the people at Buena Vista have mistakenly neglected to include any of the multitude of behind the scenes tales and remembrances from the people who made this series possible. In the eyes of many this would be a reprehensible crime, but rest assured I will not sleep until we are able to get this valuable information to you. Justice will be served, or my name is not The Tick!
Well, folks, there you have it. A day in the life of a superhero and his sidekick. It's a very long day, the tights are uncomfortable; I think we covered that before. Map light, convenient and essential. A lot of working of villain motifs. Crime has a Bossa Nova beat. Leap before you look. Remember denouement. Other French words: inconvenient, nonessential…oh…I could go on and on…But time's a-wasting and evil's out there, making handcrafted mischief for the swap meet of villainy. And you can't strike a good deal with evil. No matter how much you haggle. We don't need to look for a bargain; goodness is cheap because it's free, and free is as cheap as it gets. Cut.
Wait…I'm being told I must pass down a legal pronouncement of guilt or innocence regarding my animated interpretations. Therefore, I, The Tick, do hereby solemnly swear that The Tick vs. Season One is worth every penny of investment you have scratched and saved for. Money is such a cruel mistress, preventing good people from fulfilling each and every one of their self-indulgent needs, and enabling them to…what? Oh, right…The only caveat to my resounding endorsement of this fine product is the plague of justice I must bring down upon the heads of Buena Vista Home Entertainment executives who have seen fit to leave out my battle against The Mole Men. Beware, cowering marketing decision makers. Your day of reckoning is upon us and you will be smitten for the…what? Right…I'm being told I must move on to another interview. Until we meet again, DVD loving do-gooders. And don't forget to check out my official comic book for even more exciting tales of good triumphing over evil and…yes, I'm done…
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