Chief Justice Michael Stailey once came face to face with true evil...obnoxious upstairs neighbors. (Shudder)
Villains, I say to you now…KNOCK OFF ALL THAT EVIL!!
Hello citizens. Tick here, proud to be back on DVD. Look Arthur, they haven't lost any of that shininess!
[Off in the distance] Hohoho…Hohoho…Hohoho…
[Arthur] Will you guys keep it down?! We're trying to do a review here.
Thanks, Chum. Anyways, as I was saying, Arthur and I are proud to be here, waxing nostalgic about these adventures with you. I affectionately refer to this collection in Frank Miller-speak as The Tick: Year Two. This is where Arthur and I get to sink our teeth into the criminal element and floss out the seeds of injustice. While these tales may not be as legendary as our mighty escapades in Year One, you'll find them just as inspiring. For it is out of these encounters that…
[Arthur] Tick! This is Small Claims Court. They're aren't giving us much time…
Arthur and Carmelita.
Then there was that love-ensnaring husband and wife duo of Venus and Milo who stole our arms and used them to create super-robot villains to steal plus size women's apparel. And the only reason they did it was to get invited to an awards show. I mean, come on…the entertainment wasn't even very good…and we were part of it! That Plunger Man really lent a hand, didn't he? Hey, I just made a pun! And we finally got to use Maneuver 14-B, which worked out surprisingly well. That reminds me, we really need to keep working on 14-C.
Boy, that Evil Bomber What Bombs at Midnight keeps showing up at the most awkward times, doesn't he?
Then we got to spend quality time with Leonardo DaVinci, Thomas Edison, Ben Franklin, George Washington Carver, Johann Gutenberg, Mona Lisa (she looks much less attractive in person, not that she was much of a looker to begin with…)
Sorry…oh yeah and let's not forget that crazy cave lady who invented the wheel. Boy, was she a trip! Then again, it's only because of that jealous crossdressing mad scientist who called himself "Mother of Invention." That guy…girl…had real issues. Sorry again about the bike, Arthur. DaVinci said he'd cover the cost, but those Italian renaissance coins don't really translate well to today's economy. We could always pull out that credit card and buy you a new one…
Okay, still a sore subject. Any who how…we then came face to face with a wacky old lady who the media dubbed "Mad Nanny," but it turns out she was being mind-controlled by Charles. Talk about disappointing…that little dweeb still gives me the creeps. I really hate revenge dramas, especially when they kidnap you, shrink you to the size of a Barbie doll, make you grow a second head, and turn you into a bluebird that can only speak high school French, just to sell you off to the highest bidding member of your rogues gallery. How humiliating…
[Arthur] Tick, if you keep talking this much, we'll be here all day.
Right! Okay, the highlights of our remaining adventures include keeping a strange 400-year old, music loving plant away from the nefarious El Seed and his Bee Twins. What is that guy's problem? He even cheats at cards. And I really didn't like coughing up flora and fauna, although I now have permanently fresh breath, which is never a bad thing. That furniture riot sure was a trip, wasn't it Arthur? Though I won't be trusting a Lay-Z-Boy chair anytime soon. Then there was a guest spot on our favorite TV series—Heroes—No, not that big budget, invented network drama whose Second Season has fallen flat on its face. "Save the cheerleader…" gimme a break. I'm talkin' the real deal baby!! Of course that Deadly Bulb turned out to be a bit dim, now didn't he. Why couldn't they have filmed us on a more exciting day…like the next week when we messed it up with those really smart ants. Now that would have made for great reality television! That reminds me…where did I put that head-mounted camera…hmm…
[Arthur] Tick! You're still only two thirds of the way through the season!!
You know, chum, you really need to let go of your time management issues. Maybe it would behoove you to pay a visit to the floating head shrink, eh? In the meantime, let me tell you about the time we got to work for the real Santa Claus! What a treat that was. I still get all sugar plummy just thinking about it. Of course, it then brings to mind all those burglarizing imposters…
[Drawing near] Hohoho…Hohoho…Hohoho…
Yes, I'm talking about you. Now give it a rest! Sheesh…Jamie Madrox still has a civil suit pending against those guys.
Come to think of it, that was an unusually strange month for Arthur and me. Talk about challenging the laws of existentialism—being abducted by space aliens on the verge of total annihilation will sure give you a new perspective on things. But their science was boring with a capital Bore…and they didn't even do any probing! What a letdown…But who knew there was a whole race of beings that looked exactly like Arthur? Weird! And speaking of weird, Arthur…remember Mr. Smarty Pants? That was one angry dolphin. Then again, I'd be a little angry myself if I had to live with that hair gel enhanced husband and wife team. Siegfried and Roy they are not. It's too bad Arthur won't let me near another casino…gambling…oooh…the lure of sweet money…the lights…the sounds of coins spewing forth like cascading waterfalls…the smell of cheap cologne and cigarettes…overweight women in unflattering clothing hording all of the best slot machines…
[Arthur] Sorry, everybody. As my friend is momentarily unavailable, our final confrontation of the year was the most legendary. With the help of the Decency Squad, we took out The Terror and his whiny son Terry. Of course, there was more storytelling than there was action, which kind of brought the momentum to a screeching halt. We did get to take down that rotten puppet Handy and find out what happens when the Tick's antennae come off his head, so it wasn't a complete loss. I only wish we used the Desir-o-vac to wish for a complete Season Two on DVD.
Right-o, sidekick! The suits at Buena Vista have stolen yet another episode from our history, but I feel better knowing that they did it with a strategy in mind, no matter how flawed their logic. Since Year Three only had 10 adventures, before we were unceremoniously retired in the heat of our prime…
[Arthur] "The heat of our prime?"
…they horded one episode from each of our first two years to make Year Three 12 adventures long…even though that's a big fat lie! But at least you'll get to see them in their full glory…whenever they decide to release the next DVD.
I'm also happy to report that throughout Year Two I look much more like myself in almost every adventure. Last year was so disorienting. I never knew how tall or short I would be, and how big or small my head would look. But size doesn't matter when you're fighting crime in full Technicolor with adequate visual representation and nominal virtual surround sound. Remember, our budget wasn't that big, so you have to cut the guys who made the show some slack. Just know that regardless of how much or how little was in the bank account, justice never took a back seat or walked to work. And for that Arthur and I will be forever proud!
[Arthur] Oh brother…Before Tick goes off on another rant, let me point out that if you're looking for bonus features, there aren't any. We've filed our 15th request for interviews with cast and crew to be included on Year Three, but I'm not holding my breath.
I'm really good at that. Wanna see?
[Arthur] So, until next time…
Yes, chum…Truth, justice, and destiny, that finely-shaped engine of the universe with the warm hands and the tasteful footwear, pushed Arthur, wings and all, into my path. We were meant to be together, friends to the end. Even when the cameras are off. We are family, we are friends, we are…
[Arthur] Done. See you back here for Year Three.
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Scales of Justice
Studio: Buena Vista
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