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Case Number 23545: Small Claims Court

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Till You Get to Baraboo

Baraboo Productions // 2012 // 80 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Appellate Judge Daryl Loomis // March 21st, 2012

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All Rise...

Wherever Baraboo is, Judge Daryl Loomis doesn't want to be there.

The Case

I appreciate low budget filmmaking, but most of what I see getting produced is in the horror vein. That's fine, I love it, but I almost always wind up having to forgive a lot of effects and technical cheapness to actually love one of them. What's cool about cheap non-genre productions is that, unlike horror and sci-fi, these films can live and die on their writing and, sometimes, acting. I really wanted to like Till You Get to Baraboo because, while I really can't stand Hollywood romcoms, I don't actually dislike romantic comedies at all; I just hate what they do. If the movie is sweet and funny, nothing else really matters all that much. Unfortunately, Till You Get to Baraboo, from writer/director Emmett Loverde, is neither sweet nor funny but, instead, is corny, dull, and completely not worth watching.

Roland (William Mendieta, Dead Border) has arrived at the hotel where his old friend, Judy (Jennifer Siebel), whom he has crushed on for years and years, is set to get married. He wants to stop the wedding and finally tell her how he feels, but his conscience is getting in the way. To stop him, this literal voice in Roland's head begins to produce figments of his imagination, avatars of his old girlfriends, who advise him on the right way to handle his predicament.

Rarely have I seen a movie that feels more like a vanity project. The only purpose it appears to serve is to allow Roland to get all emo about the woman he loves, while at the same time, to be fawned over by every beautiful woman he meets. See, he's sensitive and wants love, but the hotties just won't let him be. The only person who could possibly want to see Till You Get to Baraboo is Emmett Loverde himself, because the cool act runs thin after only a few minutes.

If it was actually funny, though, this wouldn't matter nearly as much. The trouble is that the comedy is some of the most base and corny as you'll find. It is fairly chaste, though, with no actually sex and little talk about it, so I guess those who find the latest Kate Hudson movies too erotically charged might get something out of this. Personally, I like comedy with a little bit of bite and this is a gumming, at best.

The performances are pretty much adequate for the level of filmmaking at play here, and the three women involved in Roland's life are all considerably attractive. But sex appeal and average performance quality can only make up so much of what got lost by the bad, arrogant story and terrible gags.

From Baraboo Productions, Till You Get to Baraboo receives a bare-bones release. The image has that flat quality of video, with washed-out colors and little clarity. It really doesn't look as bad as it could, and I've certainly seen worse, but it's nothing special on any level. The sound is similar, maybe a little better just because there aren't any notable problems. The stereo mix has little definition or separation, but there's no background noise, so it's only a little below average. There are no extras on the disc.

Till You Get to Baraboo definitely isn't the worst movie you can find, especially given its budget and talent level. That doesn't make it worth watching, though. A boring bad comedy is one thing, but one that's utterly vain is much worse. Not quite a total mess, but I can't recommend that anybody actually watch it.

The Verdict

Guilty.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 50

Perp Profile

Studio: Baraboo Productions
Video Formats:
• 1.78:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)
Subtitles:
• None
Running Time: 80 Minutes
Release Year: 2012
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Genres:
• Bad
• Comedy
• Independent
• Romance
• Romantic Comedies

Distinguishing Marks

• None

Accomplices

• IMDb
• Official Site








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