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Case Number 10059: Small Claims Court

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The Vice Academy Collection

Vice Academy
1988 // 90 Minutes // Rated R
Vice Academy 2
1990 // 90 Minutes // Rated R
Vice Academy 3
1991 // 90 Minutes // Rated R
Released by BCI Eclipse
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // September 22nd, 2006

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All Rise...

Next time you see Judge David Johnson, ask him to tell you about that time he got busted by those undercover vice cops posing as cross-dressing dwarves from Lithuania. Good story, with an ending you won't see coming.

The Charge

My suggestion: drop out.

The Case

Sprung from the archives of USA's Up All Night, this batch of wannabe sleazy Police Academy riffs lands on the digital medium courtesy of BCI and a DVD production team that apparently missed the memo on "Competent Packaging." The first thing that will leap out at you is the abysmal way these DVD's have been crammed together, utilizing one of those antiquated "book-like" cases with the middle plastic piece so detached and loose that it's impossible to close the thing properly. And it's so pointless because we're dealing with only two discs (the first is double-sided). So big craps to BCI right off the bat for unleashing its DVDs in a half-assed conveyance.

Anywho, what's up with the movies?

Vice Academy

Well-known porn actress Ginger Lynn Allen and schlock mistress Linnea Quigley star in the kickoff to what would become and unending stream of movies. Holly (Allen) and Didi (Quigley) are arch-rivals joining the vice squad, an undercover tactical unit dealing in illicit porno, prostitution and whatever other manner of unsavory shenanigans you can conjure up.

To become full-on vice cops, the ladies need to pass Vice Academy, a rigorous training ground that involves running through gentle obstacle courses and being lectured to by manly female teachers. Holly is already in, as her father is chief of police, but for Didi and her pal Shawnee (Karen Russell), to make the grade and earn their vice badges, they'll need to infiltrate an illegal porn operation.

Vice Academy II

Holly and Didi return for their first assignment as vice cops. Too bad it's boring and stupid behind the switchboard desk. But some excitement goes down when they almost get a fellow police officer killed, forcing them to try and redeem their sullied reputations by combating the villainess Spanish Fly, who wants to unleash a powerful aphrodisiac on the unsuspecting population. Plus, they have to outmaneuver the department's newest addition, camel-toe-boasting Bimbocop (not making this up).

Vice Academy III

Our final helping of vice-a-roni proves to be even more outlandish than its predecessors. This time, Linnea Quigley has jumped ship, leaving large-mouthed Elizabeth Kaitan to fill the sidekick shoes alongside Ginger Lynn Allen, reprising her role. For this adventure, the vice girls must corral a gang of escaped female convicts, led by Malathion (Julia Parton), a buxom deviant who got a batch of nuclear waste in the face and turned into a mutant monster (read: her hair was dyed green).

These movies a lightweight trashy idiocy, not very funny and not nearly as sleazy as the studio wants you to think they are. Yet, I'll confess they still have that weird B-movie satiation that late'80s/early'90s trash tends to sport: they're easy to digest, and so lame it's kosher to watch them.

Still, make no mistake, these movies suck. The acting is atrocious across the board, with special props going to Gingery Lynn Allen for bumbling through her role (though she does have a modicum of ditzy charm). The scripts are laugh-free and the storylines are more nonsensical and juvenile as each film progresses. And if you were checking these out to bag some cheap titillation, prepare to be disappointed. In the commentary tracks, director Rick Sloane make sit clear he wanted to make these movies as "un-erotic" as possible. Flesh-hounds will only be served with brief flashes of topless women.

That's ultimately what I think the target audience will be interested in if they're eying this set: a flashback to the trashy, stupid excess of low-budget schlock from a decade-and-a-half ago, featuring a few laughs, a passable plot, and large amount of nudity. Trashy? Sure. Stupid? Most definitely. Everything else in that previous sentence? Zilch.

Mediocre full frame transfers and 5.1 Dolby Digital audio mixes (?!?) all around. Each film has a commentary with director Rick Sloane, as well as interviews with Sloane, Jayne Hamil and Elizabeth Kaitan. A 50 minute-"Making of Vice Academy" featurette can be found on disc three.

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Genre

• Comedy

Scales of Justice, Vice Academy

Judgment: 60

Perp Profile, Vice Academy

Studio: BCI Eclipse
Video Formats:
• Full Frame
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
Subtitles:
• None
Running Time: 90 Minutes
Release Year: 1988
MPAA Rating: Rated R

Distinguishing Marks, Vice Academy

• None

Scales of Justice, Vice Academy 2

Judgment: 65

Perp Profile, Vice Academy 2

Studio: BCI Eclipse
Video Formats:
• Full Frame
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
Subtitles:
• None
Running Time: 90 Minutes
Release Year: 1990
MPAA Rating: Rated R

Distinguishing Marks, Vice Academy 2

• None

Scales of Justice, Vice Academy 3

Judgment: 65

Perp Profile, Vice Academy 3

Studio: BCI Eclipse
Video Formats:
• Full Frame
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
Subtitles:
• None
Running Time: 90 Minutes
Release Year: 1991
MPAA Rating: Rated R

Distinguishing Marks, Vice Academy 3

• Director's Commentary
• Cast Interviews
• "Making of Vice Academy"
• Trailer

Accomplices

• None








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