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Case Number 26943: Small Claims Court

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Vikingdom

Epic Pictures // 2013 // 112 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // February 5th, 2014

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All Rise...

Judge David Johnson is a Viking at heart. And he has the loincloth to prove it.

The Charge

Live by the sword, die like a Viking.

The Case

When Thor the God of Thunder comes to Earth with his gigantic planet-smashing hammer to wreck fools, only one man can stand in his way and possibly save the world: the guy from Prison Break. That's right, Dominic Purcell rides to the rescue as Eirick the Bloodletter, a fierce Viking fighter who's issued a simple task: gathering a force of similarly lethal fighters and journeying deep within enemy territory to blow a magic horn or something. Whatever it is he has to do, there will be much fighting and axe blows waiting for him before he can do it—and an encounter with Thor himself.

And that's your movie. Granted, it's tempting to just file the following two-word review: "Viking dumb;" but that's selling this bats—-- crazy endeavor short. Vikingdom is ridiculous and terrible but it's never a grind and for that I give director Yusry Kru a ton of credit. Having enduring a seemingly endless line of lethally tedious Viking movies, a loony excursion into the fantastical lives of Norsemen is an appreciated balm.

It is loony. From the opening frame, things spool out of control quickly. We've got full-scale Viking warfare; slow-motion bludgeoning, CGI-assisted decapitations and gallons of gore spilled willy-nilly. Then the kung fu master (!) shows up and things escalate even more. It's overblown action scene after over-blown action scene and it's awful.

Start with Purcell, a physical presence for sure, but a man with the on-screen charisma of a multivitamin. He belches out his overwrought lines in the same flatline tone, and maintains the permanent facial expression of "concerned constipation" throughout (which in itself is a noteworthy achievement).

To be fair, no one else bathes themselves in thespian glory either. Regardless of the character, you can bank on a stream of inadvertent hilarity escaping their pursed lips. Still, when it counts, everyone is up to running around with fake hair and taking the business end of a broadsword in the jaw. Where does kung fu fit into Norse mythology? I have no clue. But, kung fu, man!

Look, don't go anywhere near Vikingdom if it's coherence you're after. But if for some reason you do find yourself propped up in front of a TV and this appears, I can promise you this: you won't be bored!

The disc: 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen, Dolby 5.1 surround, a making-of featurette, and a music video.

The Verdict

Guilty as all get-out. That said, I'll take insane crap like this over a self-serious travelogue any day of the week.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 60

Perp Profile

Studio: Epic Pictures
Video Formats:
• 1.78:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
Subtitles:
• None
Running Time: 112 Minutes
Release Year: 2013
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Genres:
• Action
• Adventure
• Fantasy

Distinguishing Marks

• Featurette
• Music Video

Accomplices

• IMDb
• Official Site
• Facebook Page








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