All Rise...

Judge David Johnson doesn't have the ovaries to compete.

The Charge

Good girls need not apply.

The Case

You think you know pain? You think you know intensity? You think you know burly women in breast-squeezing leather two-pieces beating on each other with folding chairs?

YOU KNOW NOTHING LITTLE MAN!

Welcome to the world of Women's Extreme Wrestling, where such timeless icons like Simply Luscious, Cat Power, Bunni Luv, and Lucy Furr exchange spirited combat in the teeth of the squared circle, while a confused audience looks on and longs for their beers to be refilled.

This DVD, the most anticipated release in the history of Booty Bangin' Nurse T's nuclear family, gives fans of the Dub-E-Dub what they yearn for like sweet nectar. That, friends, is…well, a bunch of girls punching each other in the neck.

The disc features three shows: "Hot Booty Kick," "Diva Ring Heat," and "Bad Girl Ring Lust." Now, before I continue, I feel obligated to mention that despite the provocative sounding names of these programs, there is no nudity, very little heat, and (as far as I can tell) no discernible lust. Frankly, there's some false advertising going on, especially if you were to read the synopsis on the back of the case:

"In three down-and-dirty programs—featuring dysfunctional storylines, vignettes, locker room drama, high-flying wrestling battles, and uniquely erotic match concepts—these bodacious vixens have an itch that needs to be scratched."

Sounds pretty sleazy for sure, but don't expect anything saucier than your average Internet dating pop-up ad. In fact, the programs on the case are titled "Nude Booty Kick" and "Nude Ring Heat," with listed matches absent from the actual disc. This is a distilled, WalMart-ified version of the WEW.

Still, there's at least a little debauchery. The costumes stress cleavage, one girl's pasties are almost exposed, and there's the random bikini pole dances. That's the extent of the naughtiness.

As far as the wrestling goes, it's of mixed quality. Some matches are more impressive than others, and by "more impressive" I mean "not embarrassing." There's a lot of pushing, scraping and raking, a few missed cues, some nifty acrobatics, and a poorly thought out throw into a metal gate that ends up with a spectator getting his legs pinned underneath a 250-pound woman in tights.

There you have it: three hours worth of small-market female grappling and some slack-jawed dudes hanging out with a microphone.

Full-frame, stereo, no extras.

The Verdict

As compared to other women's wrestling DVDs: Not Guilty. As compared to other things you can do with your time, like building a birdhouse or something: Guilty.

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