Judge David Johnson would like to drive a Witches Hammer into his skull.
Stop. Hammer time.
A young woman is killed and then magically resurrected by a top-secret counter-terror unit that specializes in turning dead young women into vampires, siccing them on other vampires and assorted supernatural evildoers. It's a bold maneuver, sure, but do you have any better ideas? Didn't think so.
So our heroine is turned into a vamp-hero and just in time because there's some big bad stuff going down—a super powerful plot convention called the Witches Hammer, a magic book created during the witch-burning days by some lady filled with Satan's fury. This book has fallen into the wrong hands, specifically some bad-ass vampire murderer, and it will fall to the newly turned femme fatale and her ultra-annoying nerd friend to defeat the forces of evil.
And there you go, the plot description for an achingly abysmal exercise in vampire action-horror that proves to be as entertaining as an Orc kick to the kidneys. I don't really know where to start with this thing, as it fails on nearly every level imaginable.
That's it. No more. Fake widescreen, 2.0 stereo, and no extras, as if to add to the pain.
Drive a stake in this one. Nice and deep.
Give us your feedback!
Scales of Justice
Review content copyright © 2009 David Johnson; Site design and review layout copyright © 2014 Verdict Partners LLC. All rights reserved.