Judge Clark Douglas is a nutcracker.
"It's da wondow pets to da wescue!"
Hooray! It's time to check out the four latest adventures of The Wonder Pets! Each week, The Wonder Pets (a lil' hamster, a lil' duckling, and a lil' turtle) save someone or something. What are they saving now?
"The Wonder Pets Save the Nutcracker"—Tchaikovsky's popular
ballet provides musical accompanied for this Christmas adventure. All of The
Wonder Pets are really looking forward to Christmas morning, despite the fact
that they only have one present. That present would be a nutcracker, a
frightening-looking wooden doll whose only purpose in life is to crack nuts with
his mouth. Ah, fate. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a
not-particularly-evil-but-still-annoying Mouse King appears and steals the
nutcracker! Can the wonder pets save their present? This episode is particularly
insufferable, as The Wonder Pets provide horrible lyrics to Tchaikovsky's
ballet. An example: "Look, there's candy yum-yum-yum/oh no, I got some on
my bum/lickey lickey!" Another example: "Well we landed on a pile of
jelly/we landed very well-y." I have a very high tolerance level for
harmless children's television, but kids, I was sincerely hoping that every one
of those Wonder Pets would develop a case of lockjaw.
"The Wonder Pets Save the Pangaroo & Save the
Cricket"—Sadly, The Wonder Pets do not limit their singing to stories
inspired by Tchaikovsky ballets. They sing all the time, no matter what
situation they are in. Oh, snap. Now they have to save a creature called a
"pangaroo" (part parrot, part kangaroo) that has fallen in a trash
can. Once again, the rescue attempt is accompanied by classical music
accompanied by absolutely wretched singing and lyrics. You know those parts of
bad Broadway musicals where people just sing-talk in a semi-improvisational way
until the next big number arrives? These shows are like that from start to
finish, and the big numbers never arrive. This is a horrible, horrible way to
introduce kids to classical music. They'll grow up thinking of those terrible
lyrics every time they hear Vivaldi. Of course, we get other musical genres,
too. A rescue of a cricket is accompanied by blues-free blues music. "Let's
blow some bubbles/give 'em a blow/we blew the bubbles/way to go!"
"The Wonder Pets Save the Old White Mouse and The Adventures of Bee and
Slug!"—The Wonder Pets visit a nursing home to save a white mouse.
Ling-Ling (aka lil' duckling) is starting to behave someone badly, too. For
instance, she's decided to drink a little sip of someone else's water! Will this
shocking behavior cease before someone become mildly annoyed enough to actually
notice or care? Then, in a bonus story, a bee and a slug sing for 11 minutes
about how one of them is fast and the other one is slow. No fair telling which
"The Wonder Pets Save the Cow & Save the Skunk"—Oh, you
can guess what these are about. The wonder pets spend the first 11 minutes
singing about saving a cow and the second 11 minutes singing about saving a
skunk. In the meantime, a cow and skunk are saved, and viewers are beaten into
submission by some incredibly annoying music.
The full-frame transfer is sharp and colorful, while the 2.0 stereo sound is clean and sharp. Extras include a "Waltz of the Flowers" music video and an awesome interactive "Decorate the Christmas Tree" game. No, I'm just kidding, the game sucks, just like every other DVD game. Every time an animal is in trouble, they pick up the phone and call The Wonder Pets. Immediately, The Wonder Pets go running to save the mouse, skunk, cricket, or whatever. If there are any wolves or crocodiles reading this review, would you please give these three tasty little critters a ring as soon as possible? Thanks.
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Scales of Justice
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