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Case Number 08684: Small Claims Court

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You Should Not Be Here

Razor Digital // 2002 // 96 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge Joel Pearce (Retired) // February 24th, 2006

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All Rise...

Judge Joel Pearce says you should not watch this movie.

The Charge

Conéctate. Conócelo. Intenta sobrevivir.

The Case

Since the North American film market has no shortage of terrible horror flicks, it seems odd to import them from overseas. Still, if you've been hankering for some bad Spanish horror, look no further.

The plot of You Should Not Be Here is a strange mish-mash of horror conventions. Gonzalo (Pablo Echarri, Burnt Money) is an unusually handsome web nerd/student. He lives with his girlfriend, Marta (Pilar Punzano, April and Jules), who works to support them both and doesn't really understand his obsession with hacking into restricted areas. She's dragged along on his first adventure into real infiltration (in some rather limiting high heels), as they meet up with a group of other hot Spanish computer nerds and break into a dam building. Among this group is the fiery Sonia (Marián Aguilera, Only Human). They have all been contacted by the mysterious Iblis, who is famous for a number of similar exploits.

Although the infiltration is dangerous, Gonzalo is obsessed with the thrill of danger. He's also obsessed with Sonia, who is, in turn, immediately drawn to him. When a second infiltration goes badly, it is immediately clear (for us, and should have been for the characters) that Iblis is one of the members of the group, and he is trying to kill them off one by one. Will Gonzalo manage to discover the killer's identity, get laid by both women, and stay alive for the whole 96 minutes?

Just once, I would like to see a film about real computer hackers. Pimply twenty-somethings who can't remember what sunlight looks like, sipping Mountain Dew and furiously typing code in Linux are an unusual sight in the movies. They would be far more compelling than glossy actors we get here. I really hope that Gonzalo is working on his third PhD, because it looks like he's pushing 35 and spends a lot more time at the gym than at the library where he works. The suggestion that Marta and Sonia are also avid computer users is just as silly. We never get to know any of the other characters, though few of them look more like computer nerds. As in too many horror films, it's never possible to settle in comfortably with any of You Should Not Be Here's characters.

I suppose it would be easier to forgive the dreadful characterizations if it wasn't for the bone-headed script and inane plot. They could not have picked a more obvious killer if they tried. The study of people who are drawn to dangerous situations has been done to death (no pun intended), and the infiltrations themselves aren't as exciting as they should be. Are we supposed to feel sorry for people who die while leaping from ladder to ladder in an elevator shaft? Natural selection seems like a more plausible explanation than grim conspiracy in this case. Then, the second half of the movie shifts the focus away from the infiltrations to Gonzalo's sordid sex life, as he cheats on Marta with Sonia.

All You Should Not Be Here has going for it is some admittedly good cinematography. The film makes great use of shadows and color, turning every location into a creepy landscape of dark corners and shrouded objects. If this sense of style had been put to better use, I might nicer things to say.

The transfer is only as good as You Should Not Be Here deserves. The video transfer is sharp, but not anamorphically enhanced. As a result, the details suffer. A number of artifacts are apparent throughout. While there are lots of dark shadows, the crisp blacks that we have come to expect on well-mastered DVDs is nowhere to be found. The English subtitles are burned onto the print, but are generally easy to read. The sound is presented in generic, flat stereo. There aren't any special features on the disc, unless you count the fact that the plot description on the back does, indeed, ruin the ending. Thanks a lot.

I've been trying to think of a reason anyone would want to pick up You Should Not Be Here. Horror fans will find much more satisfying films elsewhere. And there isn't enough skin to appeal to pervs who are too timid to rent actual porn. Even the less selective direct-to-video market will avoid it because of the subtitles. I guess someone thought it was worth releasing, though, so maybe there are a few people out there who will like it.

You Should Not Be Here does not need to be punished by the court, as it has already killed itself off. This case is closed.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 45

Perp Profile

Studio: Razor Digital
Video Formats:
• 1.85:1 Non-Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (Spanish)
Subtitles:
• English
Running Time: 96 Minutes
Release Year: 2002
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Genres:
• Bad
• Foreign
• Horror

Distinguishing Marks

• None

Accomplices

• IMDb








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