All Rise...

Thank goodness Judge Patrick Naugle isn't superstitious.

The Charge

A double dose of '80s horror!

The Case

The Curse is by far one of the oddest horror movies to come out of the 1980s. It ranks right up there with The Stuff (about killer yogurt) and Killer Klowns from Outer Space (about killer clowns…from, uh, outer space) as a film that caters to those with, oh, let's say "specific" tastes. The film stars Wil Wheaton (Star Trek: The Next Generation) as Zach, a kid living on a dairy farm with his mother (Kathleen Jordan Gregory) and his abusive step father, Nathan Crane (Claude Akins, Tentacles). A meteorite lands in the Crane's backyard which a local physician (Cooper Huckabee, Gettysburg) mistakes for a chunk of airplane lavatory waste. Surprise! It's not—the meteorite cracks open and intergalactic contents seeps into the ground and infects the local water source, causing the animals and people on the farm to go crazy. Ultimately it may be up to a TVA (Tennessee Valley Authority) representative (The Dukes of Hazzard's John Schneider) to save the day!

Considering what's going on in Flint, Michigan with their tainted water supply, The Curse is a movie that seems timelier than ever. Although at least Flint's residents aren't turning into deranged zombie "things". The film deals with a small farm overrun by some kind of toxicity from outer space which then turns the animals mean and the people into boil-encrusted, pus-filled lunatics that appear to have wandered off the set of Sam Raimi's The Evil Dead. If you haven't figured it out yet, The Curse is a big steaming pile of nonsense wrapped in a budget that wouldn't buy you a McDonald's value meal, though maybe an Egg McMuffin. Maybe.

The Curse isn't an actor's showcase. Director David Keith (who's mostly known as an actor in films like Daredevil and Firestarter) doesn't seem to know what to do with his stars. Performances are all over the place, from the bad (Wil Wheaton wanders through the film looking confused) and the really bad (Kathleen Jordan Gregory is community theater terrible), to the baffling (the usually depending Claude Akins is and emotional mess). Based on H.P. Lovecraft's story "The Color of Outer Space," this is one of the worst adaptations of the author's seminal works, which is really saying something, considering that title had been held for almost two decades by the abysmal 1970 turd The Dunwich Horror.

As a scary movie, The Curse fails to deliver on any kind of meaning frights. Rabid chickens and crazy cows are hardly what I'd consider a threatening menace (just as Burt I. Gordon's Food of the Gods proved years earlier). The effects work is lower than low budget with the bulk of it going towards making the Crane family's faces look like someone stuffed hamburger under their skin. With an disengaging story, poor performances, and chintzy effects, The Curse is just that—a blight upon moviegoer's sensibilities.

A few years later a sequel was released, Curse II: The Bite. Let's do a little history lesson: who among you recalls Halloween III: Season of the Witch? For those who didn't metaphorically raise their hands, it was a sequel to John Carpenter's seminal Halloween and Halloween II, both of which dealt with slasher serial killer Michael Meyers. However, Halloween III: Season of the Witch had nothing to do with the previous films; aside of the setting date (October 31st), this sequel was in-name only. Such is the case with Curse II: The Bite, which shares no connection to the original Curse except for the fact they have similar titles (in fact, the film is only titled "The Bite" during the on-screen credits).

Curse II is a lot like a superhero origins story, only instead of getting bit by a radioactive snake and stopping criminals, the main character devolves into a bizarre snake "thing" that slaps around his girlfriend and breaks the arms of rednecks in local bars. The film basically tracks the two main characters, lovers Lisa (Popcorn's Jill Schoelon) and Clark (Lambada's J. Eddie Peck), as they make their way through a road trip. Clark gets bitten by the aforementioned reptile which begins to change him in terrifying ways, starting with his hand and arm (scales, goop, the works). The film is essentially a weak monster movie where Clark slowly becomes a monster (care of effects creator Screaming Mad George). An already iffy premise is upended by some rather lackluster effects work and pacing that makes Curse II feel like it's actually going backwards at times.

There isn't much else to note. The film co-stars Jamie Farr of M*A*S*H fame, which feels about as exciting had Normal "Mr. Roper" Fell been chosen instead. There's are almost no memorable scenes, save for the end when Clark finally becomes a rubber snake monster who is dispatched as quickly as he arrived on-screen. In the same vein, I dispatched with Curse II as fast as I could, and my life is all the better for it.

The Curse (Blu-ray) / Curse II: The Bite (Blu-ray) offers both films presented in 2.35:1 widescreen in 1080p high definition. The former is the better looking film (more on that in a bit) with the movie boasting a solid transfer by Scream Factory. I wouldn't say this image is anywhere near perfect but it does offers good color saturation and dark black levels. The transfer is mostly clean of any major defects or imperfections. Curse II isn't quite as good. Before the film starts, a text on-screen reads that the only elements available for this film was a film negative from the MGM vaults. In other words, Scream Factory did as much as they could with the subpar elements. All things considered this is a decent transfer that isn't as sharp as it could be. There's a heavy grain element to the picture and the colors aren't as vibrant as I'd hoped. With what Scream Factory had to work with, I'm sure Curse II: The Bite looks as good as it can. Both films feature a DTS-HD Master Audio 2.0 Stereo in English. Neither of the soundtracks are dynamic—both are front heavy with clearly recorded dialogue, music, and effects. Also included with each film are English subtitles.

The only bonus feature is a theatrical trailer for The Curse.

I commend Scream Factory for releasing this double feature, but it wasn't my cup of entrails. If you are a fan, you'll be happy to see each film in 1080p high definition, but disappointed with the lack of extras.

The Verdict

Z-grade stinkers.

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